When They Are Gone

  As you all would have known, i pernah lost someone very dear & close to me. My brother, died at such young age of 18 to a serious & incurable illness. I was so devastated and distraught. Even till now i avoid to think much about it especially about his long term hospitalization and suffering.

But losing someone and gone through all the devastations and sad phase has thought me lots. It change my perspective in life. It is true that Allah give us trials to make us learn. Semua ada hikmah, whether you realize it or not. 

I wish to share with you all what i learn result from this. I hope they are beneficial.

• Grief. I no longer thinks that people who grief at funerals are weak or people who doesn't are pious. For instance, when my brother passed away, i am among my family that cried less at the hospitals or funerals. Not because i am pious or stronger than the rest. It is because i just not good at showing emotion in public unless dah tak boleh tahan. But when i cry, i really really cry intensively just to let it out from my system. I cried alone in my room, in the toilet, when everyone is asleep. I cried everytime my brother conditions deteriorate, when my mother called me crying, when my brother in comma, when the first time i found out he was no longer with us. See, everybody grief in their own space & time, some do it in public and you see them constantly breakdown and cry. And some like me. So now, when i see someone grief, i just pat her/his back and say 'it's ok, let it out, cry' not the usual 'be strong, sabar' because the sooner you get over the crying & grieving phase you will  fee better and stronger. Please let them cry, we are not robot. 

•  Material. When someone dies, after all the funeral and burial we are left with their possessions. The older someone dies, the more stuff he/she accumulated. Same thing with my late brother. Because he was still young, a student and still live with my parents, the things that he left us are mostly clothes & books. As i gone through all of his stuff & notes it made me realized that all the material things you accumulated when you are alive are useless when you died. All the designer bags, posh cars, fancy clothes, expensive gadgets or your hobby are 100% invaluable to you and whoever inherit them won't appreciate it as much as you do. So why we obsess with them so much? Now, i try to avoid accumulating stuff that i 'think' i will use or buy things just because i like them but not beneficial whatsoever. And i also will not give any sentimental value on any material, which makes throwing your stuff when they are no longer in use easier.

•  Rituals. As a muslim, when someone passed away we have kenduri tahlil & recites Yassin. After that we will constantly do doa for the dead and sedekah bacaan al-quran, hoping that the dead will benefits from it. I believe, the only things that matters to afterlife of a dead person is the doa & deeds of their children (whatever good deeds & value we have thought them) and all the sedekah & charity we did when we alive. Others like kenduri tahlil, baca yasin, baca al-fatihah has no proves to be beneficial to the dead but just rituals. Anyhow, good things done will be granted pahala to the doer. I think we human always feels like we have to do something to the dead and actually gives therapy to the grieving family. This man-created rituals are more for the living than the dead. Don't burden the family for kenduri if they chose not to. Like when you recited yassin or al-fatihah in front of the grave. It is really unnecessary, you can recites it at home and it still beneficial. Grave is not a shrine where you pray, it is just a memorial. But.....let the grieving family do it anyway. Let them do all the tahlil and recitals and grave visits as much as they want. As long it is not syirik, just let them do it. This has made my mak feels better. It helps her feel connected. It helped her move on and hang to something because losing a son too soon is hurtful & the sadness is incurable. She still visits my brother's grave every friday and talk to the tombstone and cried each time till now, even after 4 years.

•  Thankful. Always be thankful even during your lowest points. There are always things to be thankful for. Experience of seeing sick people lying helplessly on the bed makes my boring everyday routine seems major. Even you don't have money, look at your body all limbs attached perfectly, look at your kids all healthy & happy, look outside to see how peaceful the place you live in. When my brother was sick, he couldn't walk, in diapers, no appetite to eat, right there and then i feel insaf of what i took for granted all these time. Even being able to go to toilet everyday i thank Allah. Those simple things are the one value to us that money can't buy.You can simply thankful you are still alive, because you can still do good deeds, be beneficial to community and repents on your wrongdoing before you lie dead and everything are accountable within you and God. Now i seldom complain about life, i am more optimistic because i know somewhere someone who would want to switch life with me. So whenever i heard someone complains 'My life is hard' i have the itch to reply her/him 'Compare to what??'

The point of this post is not to preach. Not to prove i am expert in anything. Just to share from my perspective. I thought death was far from me before i lost my brother, now i always be reminded of it. Alhamdulillah for this trial, Allah take my love ones and lend me some wisdom to hold on to. I really hope my sharing beneficial for you.

p.s: I find the book 'Reclaim You Heart' by Yasmin Mogahed to be very useful in life. Makes you think of your priority in life and what really matters. Please read it, you sure won't regret it.

Why I Love Malaysia

 

I seriously love my country. If i have the choice to be reborn, i still choose to be a Malaysian. And i feel sad whenever other people, especially Malaysian talk bad about Malaysia (even though it is true). As i grow older, my love for Malaysia become stronger. I am not conventionally patriotic but i really really love Malaysia and i am proud to be Malaysian. So, on  Malaysia's 57th Merdeka, i make a list of why i love Malaysia.

• You gotta love the variety of food. You can enjoy malay, chinese, indian and mixture of other races food that is halal and easily accessible till late hours. I once visit Singapore, even to buy buns, i have to be skeptical on the halal-ness. You won't have that problem in Malaysia because Malay muslim is the majority consumer.What more if you are non-muslim, you can eat all the food mannn!

•  I enjoy the multiracial culture. Where you can learn multiple language and understand other races and religions' practice. All my life till now, i am surrounded by multiracial environment. I think it is a waste if you live in multiracial country but you choose to mix with only your own race. Apart from mix parentage, from young i live in chinese neighborhood, my school (convent) is multiracial where most of my friends & teachers are chinese (some indian as well) and till now i work with most of chinese colleagues. Malaysia's multiracial environment makes you understand others more as well as open your mind to diversity & toleration. I bet if you ask any American or British how chinese celebrate lunar new year or how indian prays they'll be clueless. It is not about who is greater but it is to learn to accept & respect diversity with better understanding.

• Peace. Even though nowadays crime rates are increasing, it doesn't makes me go out and be paranoid about it. Alhamdulillah i still freely can go out to work everyday safely, i can still bring my kids anywhere without worrying whether that place will be bombed and i can practically do anything i want to without anyone kacau me.

• Wet toilet. Being malay muslim i need proper water pipe in the loo. I was so frustrated whenever i enter a toilet without one, especially oversea's public toilet. It is like you sleep in your own room that is much more better than any 5 stars hotel's room just because it is familiar to you and more convenient.

• I am not sure whether everyone agrees with me but i love Malaysia because we are not overly radical. Most of the things here are still conventional. We still do most of the thing traditionally. Honestly i don't like to be too modern where everything is acceptable just because you have the right to. Maybe because i am older now. But i really hope we stay this way. 

Having said all that, ofcourse there are some things i wish Malaysia will be. For instance I really wish for better education system. And i also wish more Malaysian are civic minded or we will end up like China (you know what i meant). 

Like how we love our family & accept their flaws, it is the same for my love to Malaysia. I am proud to be Malaysian, and only a Malaysian can make Malaysia a better place. It is not too late to raise our kids to be a better Malaysian.

Selamat Hari Merdeka ke 57 Malaysia!!!

Different Childood

Having kids do makes you feel older. Yela, they grow up so fast and each year they age you couldn't help but feel a lil bit older. Also make you reflect on your own childhood. How different from them and yet we are still the same. Same in natural behavior such as excited about stuff, eager to know, happy go lucky, clumsy, carefree and simplistic. Different in environment, life experience, learning and can i add technology?

On this post I want to share my childhood. I love my childhood. I want to share how different it was from my kids today. Let's do the bullet point thing again ya! :)

• My bapak loves to read. He is the closest bookworm i know. He always nak galakkan kitorang membaca. Coincidentally when i was small he owned a bookshop. So memang banyak koleksi buku kat rumah. I couldn't remember when did i started to know how to read but i do remember having lots of books in my house and i read them or ask my parents to read them for me. So galakkan bapak i menjadi pasal i lekat jadi bookworm jugak (but not my elder sister though). During school holidays he would dump us in the public library sampai petang. I had fun, coz especially during school holiday there were lots of activities & games for us to do besides reading. At least better than hanging out in the malls like kids today right? Free of charge lagi, and also boleh pinjam 3 buku yang kita suka. My bapak never kedekut to buy us books. Like most kids (during my time), i started with Enid Blyton collection. The joy of reading is priceless! How i wish i have as much time to read now and start my own book collection or maybe own a huge bookshelf full of books! 

• Since i was little, i love to travel. But my parents did not have money to spend on vacation. The furthest we went pun KL tu pun macam 3 tahun sekali ja kot. Paling kerap pergi is Penang (i lived in kedah), tu pun pasal my bapak every year join Penang Bridge Marathon (he loves to run). My bapak was aware that i like to travel because i am the only child adventurous like that. He will allow me to go any rombongan sekolah. Atleast rombongan sekolah bayar untuk i seorang je, jimat dari whole family trip kan? So memang pantang ada rombongan gi memana pun i memang eager nak join. Sampai Singapore pun penah. Ada lagi ke rombongan sekolah macam tu sekarang ni ye? One more thing to save money, bapak i akan bagi i tumpang sesiapa yang nak travel. So i ni selalu la dengan muka tak malu tumpang sekaki join my relative pegi holiday. Begitula adanya cara my bapak nak layan kerenah anak dara dia yang suka travel dan tak reti homesick ni. If now nak buat macam tu kat anak i, ikut rombangan berhari-hari ke sana sini time kecik (i started i ikut rombongan since 8yrs old), i rasa i tak allow kot, risau sangat! 

• Sekrang kalau nak let go anak main mesti within eye distant je kan? Budak dulu round satu kampung nak Maghrib baru balik pun rilek je. Eventhough i tak tinggal kat kampung, i still round sana sini without fear. Dulu kalau tanya apa tu pedophile pun i tak tahu. Kalau jalan jauh-jauh pun benda yang paling takut adalah orang gila dan lembu sahaja. Istilah perogol, penculik dan perompak macam tak wujud dalam kamus. Pegi mengaji qur'an tiap-tiap hari jalan 3km pun rilek je walaupun baru tadika. Mak pun tenang kat rumah. Kalaula sekarang, our kids walk alone 500m from home pun rasa gundah gulana dah. Sigh, the freedom we had back than.

Hmm..i tak larat dah nak story banyak-banyak. Got something else to do. My point sharing this are, how i wish my kids life are more than just tv, games and entertainment. Like my first point, i hope my kids develop a reading habit and i wish i have a public library nearby to just dump them and they still enjoy themselves. My second point is travel. Do kids appreciate travelling nowadays? Nowadays it is easy & cheap to travel anywhere and easily take for granted. Do we even have rombongan sekolah now (apart from kidszania and zoo)? And finally the thirtd point. The freedom to let our kids have fun and create a little adventure for themselves. Memang tak la kan. Without parents worry sick and without third party waiting for the chance to attack our kids. Tu belum kira kena langgar kereta ke apa lagi due to lack of ample place to play & run about. 

So did you all get my points? Did you all have the same feeling? I have to accept the reality that my kids will have a different experience growing up. They will find joy in different thing. No matter what, i hope whatever their experience is, they will grow up fine and be a better human than me. Let's pray for that for every children ya! Aminnn....

Why Women Hate Smokers

Just thought of doing this post as an info-service (is that what this is called??). Firstly just to make things clear, my husband is not a smoker, most of my friends not a smoker, the closest to me who smokes is my father. So smokers do not bothers me much on daily basis, but when they do i wish i can slap them hard. Reason for this post is so that smokers realized how annoying they are to me or any other non-smokers woman (woman smokers would be double annoying)

Always, it is the same reason woman complains when their partner/friends/relative smokes. Forget the obvious reason of how smoking bad for you..dah basi dan selalu dengar. What i want to tell are how & why smokers annoy us woman the most. We, like you (smokers), do not really care about the health risks because berapa orang sangatla betul-betul mati pasal rokok, tak hisap rokok pun mati awal jugak kan. That is why any no smoking campaigns focusing on health are ineffective enough. Here i list out why women hate smokers, as been told & heard by me so many times:

• When you smoke, everything smells of cigarettes. Your clothes, your car, you stuff and worse of all is your breath! Imagine if you got to kiss a man with that cigarette's breath. Early morning breath right after you wake up & before you eat anything is the worse! I know because my course mate (during my varsity years) who sat beside me on morning class always had that breath..eewwww!! Woman whose husband are smokers, how is it like to kiss those cigarette's breath, really?

• Smokers always will excuse themselves for a cigarette break. Imagine when we are shopping, eating or attending a function, a smoker will disappear in the middle of it for some puff. It will take longer kalau ada geng. It won't annoy woman that much before marriage. But after married, you will hate it whenever he does it. Just imagine, you are having lunch at indoor restaurant. Your kid are having tantrums so you will not eat yet to layan your kids hoping that when husband finishes his lunch he will take over. But what happen is, right after meal he will rush out for a puff leaving you alone with kids, still not eating. Sakit hati kan? Or when you are in a mall with your kids, you know la how kids are in shopping mall. In the middle of it he disappears, out for some puff leaving you like mad woman chasing your kids. Sakit hati tak? My mother always tells me she does not like eating out alone with my dad just because she always would be left alone on the table. Not to talk bad about my dad but smokers are like that and it got worse after married.

• As a parent or mother, ofcourse we won't let our kids smoke and couldn't imagine how heart wrenching it is when one day our precious kid decide to huff the puff and destroy his lungs. So if it is so scary who to blame when your husband is a smoker. What reasoning would you give to your kids to stop them from smoking? You kids are not stupid, your husband are because he failed to give a good example. 

• Waste of money. Like gold, cigarettes are expensive and won't get cheaper in time. You jimat macam mana pun kalau bazir on box of cigarettes everyday, you memang bodoh. When i see those TV shows that focus on low income family who are suffering to make a living  ('Bersamamu' like)  i do feels sad  & pity but as soon as i saw any of their family smokes i terus jadi menyampah. Come on la, everyday punya makan pun tak cukup, why want to waste money on cigarettes? That money can put to better use. If you complain of not having enough to feed your family while you puffing cigarettes everyday, i would say you are selfish & stupid!

That are all i can think of now. Memang ada banyak lagi but i think those are the most annoying and obvious. When you live with smokers, your life will revolves on their habits. You may not realized it but when you really come to think of it, your life would be much better if they stop smoking. Sorry if i offended any smokers or wife of smokers that disagree with me. I stand strong on my reasons and i hate smokers. I think all smokers should live on a different planet and kill each other with their smokes. Please la, for the sake of others & also yourself, please consider to quit smoking. And woman who smokes, shame on you! I hate you even more! 

On 9/11

Picture from google image

I have the itch to blog about this. About 9/11. Been 10 years yesterday. No matter how it effected you or not effected you, no matter what your opinion about it, no matter what you heard about it, the fact is... it happened, and lots of people died, innocent people. Facts that the Americans' perception of their mighty country changed, facts that the world's perception of Islam changed, facts that tons of lies been told and even tons of facts been twisted. No matter what......you can't escape from being effected by it...direct or indirectly...it does effects you right?

9/11/2001. I was 20 years old that time. A finance student at UPM. On the day day it happened, i went to the TV room at my hostel to watch TV after tired of studying for my finals. Upon switched on the TV, i saw a footage of a plane collided with a tall building. I remembered saying to myself  'Awat pelik ni..movie ka apa ni?'. Then the anchorman narrated about the tragedy..i was shocked. This is 'Berita Terkini', means this is really happening..perang apa ni? I stick to the TV hearing every details to understands better. Half shocked half blurred. Tomorrow it was all over the newspaper. Everybody seems to have opinion about it.

Recently i watched a documentary about 9/11 on History Channel. Had goosebumps all through watching it. Sympathized & sad over people died in vain, especially those firemen & rescuers. I know some people laugh at US for being arrogance and belittle of what happened compared to those country in war where hundreds of people died everyday. What a sick mind they have. People died no matter where, who, how, are still somebody's mother, father, daughter or son regardless what their religion or race is. If you can't sympathized, at least please do respect those in grief.

I am a Muslim. I can't help but feels hurt of those who do not know any better generalized muslim's community after the 9/11. At the same time i also feel glad that this tragedy somehow open people's eyes to understand & learn better about Islam. Resulted from this, there are more of people converted to Islam after 9/11.

Those who are still cursing & full of hatred need to understand better. No matter what takes you are on this tragedy, please keep your humanity in checked, or you are just the same as those culprits who caused it, who are self-righteous, insensitive & make decision based on hatred.

Peace out! :)

Do Your Kids Need Lingeries?

I just came upon this news on CNN.com and was disgusted. What are they thinking? Letting kids expose like that? I don't know whether adult out there agrees with me or not but i can be sure most parents will be on my side on this. What angers me is that, those company that design this so called 'Adult inspired lingerie for kids' are so insensitive and profit oriented. Their defense is that those lingerie are not provocative or sexy for kids. Come on, if you name it lingerie instead of underwear or 'spender' it ought to be sexual elements in some way right? The only underwear for kids is those that have Dora, Spongebob, Disney's cartoon or superheroes characters printed on them. Not those lacy, frilly, ruffled lingerie that will aroused pedophile! Those designers either too ignorance or live in a world where there are no crimes involve children.

Come on la....there are already too many child rape cases and pedophile laying around. Just look at the website pictures, it is enough to attract those disgusting pedophile and god know what they think & feel upon seeing them! You may not think those pictures are provocative but believe me those pedophile do think so! Not only kids do not need lingerie but kids also are inappropriate to pose in one.

You may think i am over-reacted and negative or old fashioned. I can't be hip or happy when i see kids been exploit to another dumb marketing scheme right? I am a mother. News about child rape & abuse hurt me deeply. And i will object anything that can contribute to even more crime or feed the hunger of those sick pedophile out there. Why does nowadays kids are too fast to grow up? Kids from my era and now are totally different, they know lots of adult stuff and would like to grow up fast or act like a grown up. And there are loads of manufacturer markets their stuff to cater this so-called can't wait to be adult children. Make-up, heels, designer bags and other god know what. Now come this lingerie, if kids want to have a lingerie and even worse trying to wear it sexily to attract the opposite sex, then how? Young girls don't need lingerie, they need to be kids...playing around with friends and learning something new. Not thinking what to wear that makes them sexy or what lingerie to be matched with today's outfit. It just not right!!!

Truly speaking. Even provocative & sexy pic posed by a grown woman disturb me. Whenever i saw them i will question who are this woman? why she has no shame? is she somebody's daughter, girlfriend, mother or wife? if yes, how do they feel of her posing like this? does she know guys want to do bad things when they see her pic? Lots of such questions bedazzled me. So what do you expect me to react to a kids lingerie that promotes  sexual attention for kids???? Haihhhh.....

Cleansing

Picture from here

Everybody seem to have a take on recent notorious demo. I am not a fan on politics and i don't take sides. For me both sides are the same, dirty & power driven. In fact all politic scene in the world are more or less the same. The only difference is that how it effect us as a citizen and how far they control it.

I understand what Bersih demanded. I even agreed upon clean election. I am proud seeing all Malaysian come together for one cause ( i assume they  majority are rooting  for the same cause). I am hoping that if this demo does any effect on Malaysia, it will be a positive one and every Malaysian will benefit from it.

But i don't like chaos, things that makes me feel unsafe at my own country. I am skeptical on the true intention of Bersih, especially those who organize it.  I am sad seeing how the foreign media summarized the whole issue and focus on negative things instead of what Bersih really are. Mostly i am terribly devastated to see one sided media coverage by both parties (local TV media by gov and internet media by anti-gov) because it makes people who do not know any better presumes, make judgement and blindly take sides!

Well, like i mentioned earlier everyone wants to be bijak pandai and talk politics as if they care all this while. I refuse to be that person. My post is just my heartfelt on the current issue, as a peaceful Malaysian. If your true intention is for a better Malaysia, i support you but please CLEANSE your soul first before anything else as this is all only 'Drama Dunia'. Peace.

Die Young

I was in shocked when i received sms from my sister, informing that one of my cousins had just died in a car accident. She was only 19, a UiTM student and a cheerful & talkative girl eventhough i wasn't very close to her, only Facebook keep us connected as she constantly updating her status. The news made me sad and it is hard for me to continue sleeping after that.

Any news of someone's death is a shock, but a death of someone dies at young age makes me even more heart wrenched. I lost someone very close to me last year, he was only 19, at prime of his age when teenagers his age enjoying young & care-less life and he was such a happy lad before he was ill. He was my brother, the youngest among us sibling and also the only boy. After almost a year battled with Wegener's Granulomatosis, an auto-immune disease that has no cure up to date. I won't go into details how he suffered through his sickness as that will only drained me in tears (i am already in tear while typing this).

People says those who die young are lucky because they won't be collecting sins as they live because Allah knows how much someone can gained sins and do bad things in a lifetime. But ofcourse we don't go wishing to die young, it doesn't work that way. Alhamdulillah for the life given to us. How long we gonna live is Allah's work, we can't control that. What we can control is the way we live our life. Life is too short to create hatred,  to have negative thoughts or to skip our solat for petty matters.

Seeing people die young it makes me wonder when is my time. People that i love around me, will they grow old with me? It makes me appreciate them, appreciate my life and thank Allah for every chance & time i got to spend with them. Because i never know when mine or their time is up and i refuse to have regrets when it is too late.

Dream Body

Body image. Are you slim & slander or curvy & voluptuous or maybe just in between? I think i fall under curvy & voluptuous because eventhough i am fat i have curve at the right places. Some (majority i think) might think it is hideous and unacceptable but some might think it is uniquely beautiful and sexy. Majority of people love slim & slander body because they think it portrays youth, perfection and health. Well, masing-masing punya taste la kan. For me la kan, i prefer a woman with a lil' fat and curves at the right spot. It worries me to see such skinny woman, i feel like i want to take care of them and make sure they eat properly. 

Ok reason of this topic is that, i want to show you how every body type is beautiful as long you keep you health in checked and wear clothes according to your body types. 

Whenever i see skinny person wear clothes i really..really..really wish i have their body so that i can strut any looks without worrying whether my fat will bulged or my muffin top will be exposed. Just look at the pictures, aren't they pretty? Look so effortless and free to wear anything and just stand there waiting to be picture perfect! Being slim is like being born with a fair skin, you have plus points. When you put a slim girl and a fat girl who is prettier, most of us will only see the slim girl first not the prettier fat girl just because she is fat..right??? Haissyy..i will only be skinny if i am sick & hospitalised  for a long period (mintak simpang la kan!)

Don't you wish you have those long legs and no bulging tummy like these koreans???

image from whowhatwear
Don't you wish you can wear any clothes and style and manage to look effortlessly stylish?

image from face hunter
Only skinny & tall girl can look good wearing this, otherwise will look like a clown!

Ok..ok..enough about skinny girl. So boring right, because you always see them on TV, magazines, fashion blogs. It is like if you are not slim you are not human! Benci..benci..benci! Reality is, there are more people who has a body like me than those skinny people media like to focus on. I always think slim is the only way to be beautiful, but i will think otherwise whenever i visit those plus sized stylista's blog. If you think like me, do check out these fabulous girls who are confident, stylish and beautiful in their own way. In fact, their faces are so pretty..i bet if they are thin they will look even more smashing!

The fabulous Gabi from Young,Fat & Fabulous
She is forever stylish! How nice if Malaysia sells more stylish clothes for plus sized

Jay Miranda of Fatshionista

Her style is always feminine chic. Every look on her is just beautiful! 

All these models are plus-sized. They have beautiful faces and body. Sesuai tak kalau i stripped off and posed with them? Memang out la kannnnn!! hahaahahaha

So...which body type is your dream? Curvylicious or slim? Mine, i prefer chubby & curvy. Not like now, i am too flabby now. I want to cut off my flabby tummy, my chunky thigh and my jelly arms and still maintain my cup size and my lady hump. My ideal or dream body would have to be like this:

My husband definitely happy if i  have a body like this. Yummeehh!!!

But having said it all, everyone is beautiful in their own way regardless your body types. For me, what is important is your HEALTH! If you don't have good health, everything is just a waste. Oh and also good heart. Maybe it sounds cliche but it is the truth, good heart is the most beautiful and outshines everything. I'll leave you with this funny video. I had a good laugh watching it. Enjoice!!

Multiple Personalities

Do you have multiple personalities? I do. Not the schizophrenic type, i don't have multiple personalities disorder! What  i mean by multiple personalities is that how you act when you are with that certain person in your life, especially with your closed one. Basically, on surface people will know me as a quiet & friendly person or sometime if they did not take time to know me better i will be claimed as snobbish due to my smug face. But for those who know me for along time and always with me will see a different side of me. So here comes my different personalities with different people in my life.

With friends, office mate, general people i see everyday. I will known as this chatty & happy go lucky person. I am funny and always have story to share. I seldom angry or moody. I seldom show my sadness or anger unless i really really can't keep it. So most of the time i am this happy smiley face and nothing can effect my mood eventhough i actually feels like a crap. I am like your friend & sisters that you can share your story. Aiseh, i sounded like puji diri sendiri pulak kan? hahaha...

With my sisters & parents, i am happy go lucky person as well but also tough and matured. I seldom show my weakness to them and i always act like i am strong and matured sister or daughter that you can confront me with anything and i will settle your problems. I am the second child but most of the time i feel like i am the oldest because i am always in charge. Family problem or trouble, i am the first to know or called. Any decision or opinion, i am the one who have the most says. Frankly, i do like being in charge with everything because i am a control freak where i feels like only i do it better. Yes, i memang ada perasaan ingat bagus sangat, you may hate me for that. But this is me, i am use to it already, arranging everything and taking charge of family matters. My sisters (i have 2 sisters,older & younger) might hate me for this but eventually they'll know that my intention is well.

With my husband, i am very sensitive and always crave for his attention. I show my moody side and can be easily loose my temper on little things or arguments. I become vulnerable with him. This is maybe because he is the only one who understand me inside out, the real me where i don't have to act tough or happy all the time. Whatever he thinks or says really matters to me. I don't give a damn of others criticizing me, only what my husband think is important and goes deep into my heart. People says only people who are close to you can cut or wound your soul..in my case it is my husband. Being a darling husband, he is really patient with my moody self and understand me well. We do shares some arguments now and then but nothing over the tops. Apart from my vulnerable side, i also become this happy and cheerful person when i am with him. We can share jokes and act like nobody's business fooling like a child. I think that is what makes us happy & keep us together. I really can't understand when a person can not be her/his true self with their partner. My advise is, if you can't be true and show the real you to your partner because you are afraid of he/she criticizing you, maybe you have to rethink about your relationship. It is not healthy.

Okay..those are my personalities. Now after reading it, do you have different side for different person or you are just an open book and purely true to yourself no matter what?

Woman's Assets

Woman, created by Allah in such way that every curve and surface are so beautiful, that when a man look upon them too long will resulted in sins/haram or even fitnah. That is why Allah forbid woman to reveal our given beauty. However, oftenly being a woman we are proud of what we have and we want to show it, so that we receive compliments from it. But, when the opposite happens, when you received harsh critiques or sexual remarks you can't accept it and blame the other side for being 'gatal' or 'mulut jahat'. 

But why such response? Why you are shocked or offended when any guy look at you lustfully? Can we catogarized that guy a sex maniac just because he look at your intentionally exposed cleavage or your curvy body beneath your skin tight clothes? It is you the one who invite them to look at you that way. Everyone know men love looking at woman's body especially their boobs. So by all means, just cover it properly if you don't like them to see it. 

Please don't misunderstood, I do not blame women for man's 'gatalness'. Yes, there are man who are naturally gatal no matter how covered up the woman is. I speak generally, normal man you see everyday. Even me as a woman also love to see boobs or any sexy woman coz like i mentioned earlier, woman created by Allah is naturally beautiful. 

Why such serious post? Because whenever i visit a gossip blog, local or hollywood, they never fails to post a woman celebrity that posed sexually or wear skimpy clothes eventhough tak ada kaitan with the contents. This is because such pic creates controversy and inviting to viewers to click more. It despised me that whatever the story about the celebrity was, doesn't matters anymore because commentators just focus on the pic, resulted in sexual comments and some talk bad about her being cheap. When this happened, who to blame? It is always easy to blame the celebrity right?

Woman, please take care of your assets. Try to wear appropriately that won't invite those mata gatal to look at you and focus on one thing, which you don't like.Personally, I know how it feels because i have a curvy body and whenever i wear something that enhanced my curves, men tend to look and i know they did not look at my face or my clothes. I am more protected now, since i wear hijab. I feel more secure when my hijab covers my chest coz i know, now when a man look at me they only focus on me not my womanly body. If they still gatal, that is their problem and not because of me. So girls, make sure your cleavage, your long legs or even your fair & supple body are covered up properly. I strongly believe, your charming personality & smile are enough to attract a decent guys.