My First 10km at KLSCM

After sooo long i abaikan this blog, here i am again for another of my running journey story. Because running is the only exciting thing happens to my life nowadays! In April, I signed up for 10km run at KLSCM (the biggest marathon event in Malaysia) and after balloting i managed to get an entry. Got overconfident and signed up for cruise run, cut off time is 90mins, means i have to run at least pace 9 to complete on time. Never ran 10km before, at that time the farthes i ran was 5km. I thought nevermind lah, the event in September, i still got about 5 months to train.

So i increase my running mileage to 6-7km. My pacing gradually decreased as i ran. Then comes fasting month. 1 month plus of not running. After raya i started running, omg my pace dah jadi above 10! Gila kann, orang muda jalan lagi laju kot! I got scared, and try to run 3 times per week with one long run of at least 90mins. In 90mins pun i boleh cover 8km je! Then how la to complete 10km under 90mins kan!

Dah nak dekat race day, haze season melanda. Lagi lah kurang berlari. That time i pikir lantak lah, lari jela mana mampu. 10% dok doa gak supaya KLSCM cancel due to haze. But haze slowly gone towards race day...it is ON guysssssss...omg nervous!

On race day, 29th September 2019. My 10km flag off is at 7am. Bangun pukul 4am, had light breakfast and by 5am husband hantar ke nearest MRT (all mrt/lrt rides to the event is complimentary). Dalam MRT tu penuh dengan peserta je, all clad in blue KLSCM tee. It was a feel good feeling bila ramai-ramai berkumpul untuk pergi tempat sama, lari sama-sama.

During flag off time, hari dah terang. It was a beautiful route along KL city. Awal-awal lari tu i realized i was running faster than usual. Managed to keep below 9 pace along the 2km. After 2km dah start letih so mula slow sikit lari. As i said, the route was nice and lots of stuff to see, so tak rasa sangat lama berlari untill we turned into Perdana Botanical Garden (i think it was last 4km). Kat sana naik bukit dia jauh la pulak..dok tunggu bila la nak turun bukit balik ni!! Most of the journey kat situ memang jalan je.

I started to speed up again when i sighted Dataran Merdeka, i think it was last 2km. I ran even faster when i saw the finish line. Pasal dah terlalu letih sangat, time 200m towards finish line tu betis dah rasa cramp and rasa nak muntah. Terpaksalah slow down lari, takut nanti malu pulak jatuh kat depan finish line tu, dah la ramai orang tengok hahahaha!

My official finish time is 1hr 34mins. It was 4mins above my 90mins target time. Thank god i still get my finisher medal! Eventhough i did not finished below 90mins, it was still a good run. I never before run at this time above 5km.

I am going to accept this as an achievement for me. Good run and great experience. I do it all alone, train alone, run also alone. That day i went back home with pride. Sore legs, exhausted, busuk masam, headache, but i was happy. I did not run for a week after that. My sore calf lasted for 3 days. And this is only 10km! My target is to enter half marathon 21km when i am 40, which is another year. Year 2021, i will run 21km! Wish me luck!

 

Running Got Into Me

Remember my last post i talked about me being high spirited about running/jogging. Well..i still am! I been constantly running 2-3 time per week and i loooovveeeee it so much! I got so much better now. From only 500m run non-stop before i collapse out of breath, to 4km run non-stop. Amazing right!! I am so proud of myself. Yes i know it is nothing for you all fit people. But me being heavy and zero exercise before this, run 4km non stop is a great achievement for me. My pace is still slow, 8-10pace/km. Which makes running 4km ended in 38-40mins. Now my goal is to improve my pace to 6-7 pace, or finishes my 5km in 40mins.

Running is easy girrlllsss! All you need are time and discipline. You can do it alone, inexpensive (only a good RM200++ running shoes) and you can set your own time and pace, no pressure whatsoever and the best thing is you become healthier!! Running is good cardio for your heart and improves your blood circulations. I run alone and it has become my personal time away from my responsibilities. With music in my ears and wind against my face, it is such a good feeling. When you have passed the semput nak mati phase, running become easier and you will definitely enjoy it. Kalau i tak jogging more than 3 days, hati dah tak keruan..i need my endorphins! Now i understands how my bapak feels when he eagerly wants to jogging tak kira tempat.

Okla...you all mesti bosan kan i dok cerita pasal jogging ni. Just to motivate you ladies to start jogging, i did lose some weight. I start losing weight when i started to control my eating as well. Because to run at faster pace, i got to be lighter. After few weeks of controlling my diet, i manage to lost 5kgs. Tak diet teruk pun. I take breakfast as usual, i take heavy lunch with lots of green and portion control on rice+lauk (green vegetable is a fat burner), make sure drinks lotssss of water and have a small dinner:  protein wraps/sandwich / nestum+kurma / makan lauk je / sayur is wajib. Like i said, nothing hardcore about my diet. Because i exercise 3 times a week to increase my metabolism, diet lightly je pun dah ok kann.At my weight, i can burn up to 300 calories when i run for 30mins. Best kannn...300 calories macam makan sepeket megi la..hahaha!

Enough running talk...but this is not the end of this topic. I might blabber about it again in next post! Maybe about my participation in marathon. My aim is to join 5km marathon by January next year. Now i really need to improve my pace first. Jom...who wants to join me run for healthier life???

To a healthier & active life

My bapak is an avid jogger and he just loves to walk. He started active jogging in his 30's and frequently joined marathon. I still remember our annual visit to Penang during Penang Bridge Marathon. Till now at 65, he still actively jogs up to 10km. Walk 3km pegi balik?? No problem for him, he enjoys it..even under the hot sun. We use to complain when he always like to park his car so far away, tak larat aih nak jalan! His children all 3 girls memang tak ikut pun perangai dia tu. Even arwah Danial (our little brother), although being active in sports, he was not a runner. 

Bapak said, the reason he took up jogging as hobby is because he wants a hobby that benefits him till old and doesn't cost money. Well..his other hobby is reading, which is also good but it does cost him money to buy books. When i heard his reasons i was quite ashamed myself. Yela..hidup dah lama still takde hobby yang boleh beneficial untuk diri sendiri sampai tua. Maybe i was too busy with kids & house chores. But i know the truth that it is just a reason not to do anything. Even nowadays i hardly reads. Beli je buku banyak-banyak (i can't resist a good book), baca nye tak.

I memang kagum dengan determinations of people who active in sports. Since i am not good in any sports, i can't take any as hobby. So i secretly wish i can jogs like my bapak. To have not be out of breath so fast when i run. Nak, teringin, memang senang kan...nak mula dan buatnya masyaAllah susah betul. Banyak alasan. Alasan pertama, when i was younger i malu lari in public pasal dok rasa orang gemok berlari adalah kelakar (betul tak?). Now dah tua sikit i can't be bother of what people thinks as long tak kacau orang and i wear appropriately. Alasan kedua, takde geng dan support from anybody to pursue  it. Ala..ngade kan, nak buat benda elok nak support pulak, which is now i think is ridiculous. Alasan ketiga, which is still my strong alasan till now is other's perceptions. I kan gemok, being overweight all my life. Jadi bila if people know i started to jog and still badan macam tu gak i find it annoying that people will membawang and perlekehkan my effort when i actually i start jogging to be healthy, active and built up my stamina. Kurus tu bonus la kan, pasal makan kalau tak kurang susah la nak impi badan idaman. For the longest time i already accept my body as it is and be positive about it...takde dah nak berangan kurus. I accept it as long i am healthy. But others relentlessly remind me about it macam sakit sangat mata tengok i gemok kan. Hahahaha, but tak semua la, no hard feeling dah, like i said, i am body positive regardless what i weigh.

Ok panjang pulak bercerita. The reason for this post is that i decided to be active. Since i started my weekly zumba/aerobic lesson, my stamina becomes better. So i try to jog at nearby park. Suprisingly i can run 3 rounds, usually 1 round dah tercungap mintak nyawa. That makes me feels better. I enjoy it. Not sure whether it is the endorphins released during exercise, but i am happy everytime i finished my aerobic or run. I pray that this is not hangat-hangat taik ayam. I really need this in my life. Like my bapak said, must have a good hobby that benefited us sampai tua. Semoga semangat ku tidakla setengah jalan sahaja. At least sampai cukup stamina nak join half marathon. To a healthier and active life!! Doakan ye...amiiinnnn.

Jadual Seorang Emak Anak 3

Actually dah lama nak update rutin harian di blog ni, just for my own memories when one day i will miss all these hectic life routines i used to have in my life. That when my kids are all grown up with their own life.

Being a housewife or work from home mother, my days are also in routines during school days. I am lucky because my 2 eldest already attend school and also quite independent themselves so i don't need to attend or monitor them all the time. I can focus more on my little ones, Aidan. But being at home 99% of time with only kids can get lonely sometime. Personal time memang hardly la nak dapat. Sometime dapat mandi lama sikit, take my own sweet time nak pakai baju dan bersiap sambil dengar music pun dah kira macam therapy for me. I bring my kids everywhere...to the office, to run errands, to shopping..you rarely see me without my kids. I am devoted to them all my life, at least till they're old enough.

Back to the topic, here are my jadual. On school days. Kalau cuti sekolah, jadual longgar sket pasal takyah rush nak masak lunch and siapkan diorang ke sekolah.

6.30 - 7.30a.m - Wake up, pray, kejutkan Adam ke sekolah, prepare his breakfast, sapu lantai, lap habuk and mop the house (i mop once or twice a week)

7.30am - 9am - Most of the time kalau dah settle semua i will take a nap. Ni kalau si kecik tu belum bangun, kalau dia bangun awal memang teman dia main & tengok tv jela.

9am - 10.30am - Do some works / trading and attend to clients. Usually when market open memang ngadap laptop kejap nak update price and tengok report. Prepare breakfast again for me & my 2 kids. Do laundry.

10.30 - 11.30am - Mandikan Aidan, masak lunch, mandi + guling2 atas katil jap checking my socmed updates.

11.30 - 12.30pm - Suap anak-anak makan. Siapkan my daughter to school, sidai baju.

12.30 - 2pm - Waiting for my son balik sekolah, clean the kitchen, lunch,pray, tidokan Aidan.

2pm - 5pm - This is usually my rest time where i can do anything i want. Usually i will catch up on my tv series, mengait or just browsing the net. In between i will also tutor my son. He starts his study at 3pm. Sometime kena singgah office, so angkutla semua anak2 gi office.

5 - 6.30pm - Usually Aidan dah bangun so layan la dia kejap, kutip & lipat baju, pray, ajar Adam baca Quran (i teach my kids from iqra' till quran  myself since they were 5y.o).Wait for my daughter balik sekolah.

6.30 - 8pm - Mandikan Aidan, sometime Aidan will sleep again for 2nd nap, mandi, pray, tengok tv atas katil.

8 - 10pm - Cook dinner, kalau tak masak just makan dinner tapau ( i usually cook dinner 2-3 nights per week only, pasal taktau nak pikir masak apa kekadang), monitor my kids studies / homework, ajar Dania iqra'.

10 - 11pm - TV time for me & kids, lepas tu hambat semua pi tidoq.

11pm - 12.30am - My own tv time, sleeps.

Pretty mundane kan jadual tu. Well, itula tiap hari kena ngadap. Kalau keja ofis pun ada rutin, dok rumah pun ada rutin. The only different is that i am my own boss, i control my own time and i don't need to meet or handle people i don't like. Tired?? Yes, Lonely?? Yes. But if you ask me do i want to start working again, pakai cantik2 pegi office, join the rat race and have a social life & ample of personal time, i would still decline. I still love being a mother, all my kids in front of my eyes..dramas and all. Kalau i keja pun, my work tak berkurang. I am a hands-on mother where i choose to do everything myself. So dulu bila kerja rasa padat sangat jadual nak settle semua.

Some women love working, they become a better mother when they do. Some women who are possessive & hands-on like me find satisfactions taking care house works & kids by my own. Tak kisah apa pun , tak semua hidup sama. Pandai-pandaila cari ketenangan masing-masing. My adivse is for those yang dok pikir or rasa nak jadi surirumah je senang, pikir la sekali lagi ye. It is not easy and not everyone cup of tea ya. First you have to be domestic, enjoy doing houseworks. Second, you have your financial sorted up. Third, is your husband's support. 3 benda ni you kena pikir dulu ya, sebelum you fall into depressions and thinking no one understands you.

 After all, we women are very strong and independent by nature. Every women is a superwoman in their own way. If you would give man all the burden & tasks of a women, i guarantee mental institutions would be full of men . Kannnn??? hahahahaha :P

Just An Update

Fuyoo..lama tinggal blog ni. Does blog post relevant nowadays?? I rasa macam blogpost ni more to syok sendiri je kan?? More to update for self reading & record. Trend baca blog dah makin pupus rasnaya. Like myself, i dah tak kuasa dah nak baca blog..apatah lagi nak update blog sendiri. But still, pabila teringat, jadi teringin plak nak update harini. Just a short updates. Will do it in points:

• My Aidan dah exceeded 1 year milestone. Dah boleh jalan terkedek2 dan lari juga terkedek2. Makin clingy and kepo and curious. Masih suka layan katun especially nursery rhymes songs. I love baby at this age, so montok, so squishy and they are responsive now. 

• Bulan puasa ni makanan makin mahal kannn? Haritu gi beli makanan bebuka (pasal tak masak), habis RM50 plus jugak la untuk whole family makan. Aishh...makan kat restoran tomyam lagi murah kottt. Kuih pun kecik-kecik, jual 3 for RM2. Takleh la selalu melayan beli kat bazar ramadhan. Dah jadi surirumah ni kena rajin2 la masak yeee. Kadang tu bosan gak taktau masak apa, teringin makan nasi kerabu la..nasi beriyani la...nasi arab la..so kena la beli kan, i taktau masak semua tuuu.  

• So far my 7 y.o daughter dapat puasa penuh tanpa drama. Last year macam2 drama kena layan, but hanya ponteng few days. Hopefully she can finish her 30 days fasts this year.  

• Why there are sooo many raya sales niii. Online shopping ni memang dangerous betul. Luckily i ni size besar, so banyak baju takde size. Jadi kalau cantik pun mampu tengok je. Rahmat jugak kan plus size ni. Hahahaha. But habis jugak duit tuuu gi beli tudung, telekung, kids clothes (H&M had a massive online sales, 1 baju RM16 je!!) and cosmetics. 

• This year raya kat Sarawak. Means boleh melantak kek sarawak!! Tomorrow balik Aor Star, kalau raya kat Sarawak, we will sure balik berpuasa kat Alor Star because best puasa kat sana. Banyak makanan sedap and the bazar ramadhan is the best..macam2 ada, sedap, accessible and cheaper. Cakap banyak tak guna, orang Kedah tau la noh!

• Recently we celebrated our 11th year wedding anniversary. Dah 11 tahun menempuh alam perkahwinan, naik turun dari segi ekonomi, from apartment to landed house, from kelisa to alza mpv, from me working to me being work from home mom and now 3 healthy kids. Alhamdulillah for all the experience & gifts. Nak cerita bab perkahwinan ni, takde siapa ada experience yang sama, betul tak? Kalau nak cerita kat orang pasal marriage kita memang takkan yang faham totally because it is emotionally exclusive between you and your husband. People can relate but not one can say yes i have the same marriage as yours. No, it is impossible. My point is, your marriage is what you build & evolve with your love ones, so jangan la compare dengan marriage orang yang you nampak kat social media or dari ceritanya. Believe me, there are backstories that every marriage has to endure to be great. For me, Alhamdulillah..so far takde ujian yang belum mampu handle.

Ok that's all lah. Kalau rajin, lepas raya la update ye..with pictures. Selamat berpuasa semua! 

2017 & My 2 Schooling Kids

Happy New Year everyone. Whatever your hopes & dreams for 2017, i hope the year serves you well. My 2016 was ok. No drama, just me being work from home mom a.k.a slaves to my kids. It is a tiring  & undervalued job but i do enjoy taking care of my kids full time. Memang la letih dan hidup kelam kelibut ikut kerenah anak, but at least i have more time for my kids untuk masak dan personally monitor their studies. Kalau melawak kata i nak kerja balik, menjerit2 diorang macam suruh terjun lombong. Hahahahaha.....

To get organize ofcourse la one has to own a planner kann.

For 2017 i want to be organize. You know la, stay at home with a baby i can't really track time, kejap je masa dah berlalu. So this year i want to be more organize. I want to slip some time for exercise (dekat rumah je) & reading. I also want to keep track of my expenses. Selalu sangat draw duit, sometime tak tahu mana peginya duit tu, padahal duduk rumah je. And finally i want to be a better muslim. Sejak ada baby i hardly had time to recites Quran, kekadang rasa bersalah sangat. Dulu almost every night akan baca. Bila ada baby selalau baca sekerat dah dengar Aidan nangis kena la stop, pastu tutup simpan terus. Kena gak curi time, dapat baca 2 pages pun jadila kan.

This year my 2 kids dah sekolah. Dania standard 1 and Adam standard 4. Sorang sekolah pagi, sorang petang. So my jadual starts early this year. No more bangun lewat (FYI, i am not a morning person). Ada orang suka time anak ke sekolah, ada orang suka time musim anak cuti skolah. For me, i prefer anak cuti sekolah pasal tak kalut sangat nak masak & siap kan diorang ke sekolah. Every house chores has to revolves around their schooling time. Sometime nak gi office pun kena tunggu anak balik sekolah or gi skolah dulu. So i prefer cuti sekolah.

Dania's first day schooling was okay. No tears, in fact she was excited. Already made some friends. I hope she likes school. Kita tengok pulak anak perempuan ni study lagu mana pulak. Anak laki tau dah, keja nak main je..relax & cool. Kalau bab study kena push macam kita yang nak exam.

Oh and i also want to update my blog more. Eh macam banyak je nak buat kan. Eksyen je lebey, in the end, apa pun tak settle. Hahahaha...

Baby No.3

My third baby already 6 month old, baru la mak dia nak terhegeh-hegeh nak update blog kan. Well, taking care of baby is handful you know. Plus i always at home being slaves to my 3 kids mana la ada masa nak duduk depan laptop karang cerita. Nak check email pun susah oiiii...

My baby was born on 2nd May 2016, around 7pm (lupa exact time). That day was labour day replacement leave (labour day on 1st May, which fell on Sunday), so my husband ada kat rumah. The night before entah nape memang dah tak boleh tidur, tak sakit pun but i couldn't sleep till about 4am kot. That day about 9am i nak gi breakfast dengan my mother, she came few days earlier to take care of me during confinement. Suddenly terasa macam kejang below my abdomen, where you feel period paid. Time dok pikir aik, tak kan dah contraction kot. I was on my 38th weeks, last time i deliver my daughter also on 38th week. I igonore je sakit tu, pegi je breakfast. Tapi time breakfast tu memang dok makin kerap rasa sakit, every 15min macam tu. Balik rumah husband tanya nak gi hospital ke? Actually that day i dah plan nak gi lunch rumah my cousin, so i cakap kat husband after lunch sana kita terus gi hospital because i also taknak kena tahan lama kat wad, boleh lagi tahan sakit ni.

Dah sampai rumah my cousin around 2pm, the pain became intense. Tengah sembang pun boleh chup jap pasal nak tahan sakit. My cousins gelak je tengok i berkerut tahan sakit. Gigih jugak la makan. Sedap lauk dia oiii..pantang nanti takleh melantak sukati dah. Habis makan, i mintak permission my cousin nak mandi kat rumah dia sebelum serah diri kat hospital. After bath terus mintak diri pasal dah sakit sangat and jarak contraction pun makin dekat.

Admitted hospital around 5pm. Nurse check dah buka 4cm, katanya dinding rahim dah lembut. After my doc pecahkan air ketuban tu, bermula la detik meronta-ronta atas katil tahan sakit yang setengah mati. Pegang besi katil punya la kuat pasal nak tahan sakit. Bila time nak teran keluar i dah jadi letih. That time dok pikir kalau doc nak operate pun i bagi je pasal tak larat dah teran. So doc keluar la mesin vacum to expediate the process. Alhamdulillah akhirnya keluar jua anak lelaki ku yang bernama Aidan Amir dengan berat 3.1kg. Tak terkata leganya setelah keluar. Really, birthing experience is really really special. Sebab tu la para ibu memang terasa sangat kalau anak buat lebih kurang kat dia kann. Eh sebak plak dok type ni.

Syukur Alahamdulillah, Aidan dilahirkan dengan sihat. Dah nak masuk 7 bulan dan dia tak pernah sakit or demam. Mungkin pasal kali ni dapat directly breasfeed him fully and personally jaga dia sepenuh masa. Kita tengok hasilnya nanti, ada beza tak Aidan ni yg dijaga sepenuhnya by me dan kakak & abangnya yang dijaga pengasuh. Apa pun, harap jadila insan yang terbaik dan membanggakan ibu bapa. Amiiiinnnn..

Miscarriage Experience

Sebelum ni i pernah janji nak cerita pasal my miscarriage kan? It was one memorable experience for me. I was actually kind of traumatized by it. It was nothing like what i expected i would feel, physically or emotionally. That is why i want to make a post in my blog, untuk kenangan and sharing. Expect this post to be a really looooong one. Kalau rajin baca la ye.

Me and husband been trying for baby no.3 for more than a year, since my second daughter was 4 years old. My last effort was the ovulation test. With this ovulation detector at least we know when is the right time to consumate. Nak jadikan cerita i finally got pregnant. My period was late, and i was in process of moving house. I was ecstatic when i found out i was pregnant, i think dah dekat 2 bulan time tu. Since we were busy nak pindah rumah, i delayed appointment with doctor. Lagipun fikir awal lagikan, bukan nampak apa pun, i was fine on my last 2 pregnancy so i was confident with the 3rd one.

Bezanya pregnancy ni is the nausea. Mual, muntah and tak lalu makan. And i lost weight. Mungkin jugak sebab stress pindah rumah. I was thinking that time, nausea is a good sign. Means the baby is ok. How wrong i was kannn??

Now come my first pregnancy check ups. I was 3 months plus that time. But the scan showed i was only at 6 weeks. And no heartbeat or movement. Just a sight of the sac. Being positive, doctor said maybe it was too early. Next appointment is another 2 weeks, to see whether there is any development. He didn't mention about the baby not being there, thus both of us never thought it would happen. We still think i was pregnant, only miscalculated the period and it was too early.

Ni contoh empty sac yang nampak time scan.

Then came the bleeding. I was at work, in a toilet lepas basuh i wipe with tissue and i saw some stains on it. It was light colored blood. Macam lendir pun ada. I was panicked. What can it beeee???? Haritu rasanya dekat 10x masuk toilet kot nak check. Everytime i wipe there is blood, tapi takdela banyak macam darah menstrual tu. Told my husband, dia cakap mungkin temporary je kot. Yes sometime it happens during early pregnancy, i googled it. Tapi hati mana tak risau kan. Gundah gulana je rasa, semua kawan yang pernah go through miscarriage i tanya. The worries got really tense after few days when lagi banyak darah keluar. Tapi punyala degil tak pegi jugak jumpa doc. Entahla mungkin i was afraid if my biggest fear is true.

The truth finally known bila visit my doc on next appointment. The scan showed no progess. Only empty sac. No baby inside. Doc cakap 'rumah dah siap tapi baby tak jadi'. Sedihnya time tu. My husband lagila mood berubah because he didn't expect it.  He did not talk much on our way back home. Kenala terima takdir kan. Takde rezeki lagi. Time tu dok fikir aku ni dah ada 2 anak pun feel distraught, how la couple yang belum ada anak rasa kalau miscarriage kan.

Doc bagi options, buat d&c (cuci rahim), tunggu je benda tu turun keluar sendiri or makan pil paksa keluar. Time tu masih lagi terkejut dan blur, i cakap je nak tunggu. So doc suruh wait for 2 weeks. I read that if your body is healthy benda tu akan turun sendiri, its like your body will automatically get rids if the unwanted stuff in your body.

Dalam seminggu tu dah turun darah macam period. One day tu banyak sangat flow dia. I was at work that time. Rasa heavy flow je time tu, terus lari gi toilet nak check. Tengah panjat tangga tu rasa macam meleleh kat kaki. Masuk dalam toilet masyaAllah dah horror keadaan time tu. The blood was soooo many, my pants was drenched with blood. Ada jugak ketulan macam hati ayam berterabur kat lantai toilet. Wahhh....seramnya time tu. Terus minta kat boss nak balik rumah.

Got medical leave for 2 weeks. Alhamdulillah benda tu turun keluar semuanya tanpa perlu go through d&c. Proses keluar tu took about 1 week, ada hari sakit macam you are having massive period cramp. Tapi sakit lagi contraction nak beranak. So sakit ni takde apa sangat la banding sakit setengah mati nak beranak tu. Hahahaha.

Emotionally i was traumatized and blaming myself. Yela time tu letih pindah rumah, angkat barang and cuci rumah semua. Doc said it wasn't because of that. Tapi tetap rasa bersalah. The experience memang takleh lupa. But takdela trauma sampai taknak buat anak dah.

Nak jadi cerita, lepas 1st period after miscarriage tu i got pregnant again. Means 2 months after my miscarriage. This time memang hati-hati la. Awal2 lagi dah gi jumpa doc. And now i am 32weeks pregnant and my edd is on 17th May. I am expecting another boy. Please pray for us ya.

Tak sabar nak tunggu new baby. This is his blanket that i knit myself.

Perkara Fashion Blogger Malaysia Harus Tahu

Memilih kerjaya sebagai fashion blogger bukanlah satu kerjaya yang mudah seperti yang anda sangkakan. Mungkin ramai diantara anda yang menganggap kerjaya sebagai penulis atau blogger merupakan satu kerjaya yang mampu dilakukan oleh sesiapa sahaja. Namun, penting untuk anda ketahui bahawa, keupayaan untuk menulis satu risalah atau artikel yang menarik bukanlah satu perkara yang mudah. 

Mungkin sesiapa sahaja boleh menulis, tetapi untuk menulis satu bahan yang menarik memerlukan bakat dan minat yang mendalam. 

Oleh itu, jika anda mempunyai impian untuk memulakan kerjaya sebagai seorang penulis atau fashion blogger Malaysia, berikut merupakan beberapa perkara yang harus anda ketahui dan jadikan panduan;

 

1. Untuk menulis mengenai fesyen, anda haruslah mempunyai pengetahuan yang meluas mengenai bidang fesyen. Oleh itu, banyakkan membaca majalah-majalah yang berkaitan dengan dengan fesyen dan gunakan internet untuk mengetahui perkembangan trend fesyen terkini. Tanpa pengetahuan yang cukup atau ‘strong knowledge’, anda pasti tidak boleh menulis dengan baik. 
    
2. Selain mempunyai pengetahuan yang mendalam mengenai dunia fesyen, anda juga harus betul-betul meminati bidang fesyen. Tanpa minat yang mendalam, sukar untuk anda menjadi seorang penulis yang baik.

3.  Seterusnya, anda juga harus bijak bereksperimen trend-trend fesyen yang terkini. Tetapi, hati-hati jangan sampai anda menjadi mangsa fesyen!  

4. Tonton rancangan fesyen di TV atau hadiri majlis-majlis yang berkaitan dengan fesyen untuk anda mempunyai pengalaman secara langsung dalam dunia fesyen.

Being sentimental

I have told you all that now i am working from home right? So i am slave to my kids now. Everyday nak pikir apa nak bagi depa makan. Like today, Adam kena pegi sekolah awal, so kenala masak lunch awal. Tapi alangkah leganya dia cuma nak toasted egg sandwich. Kalau tak memang kena bersilat awal sikit untuk sediakan satu lauk for their lunch. Kalau masak lauk untuk anak-anak ni semuanya ikut taste diorang. Tak pedas. I am a spicy eater. Memang tak lalu sangat la nak makan nasi dengan lauk tak pedas. So i end up just makan untuk isi perut, since tengah pregnant kena la makan jugak kan. I think that is the reason my weight doesn't increases that much this time. On my last 2 pregnancy i gained almost 20kg tau! But this time, at 6 months i only gained 3kg. Baguih la jugak macam tu. Badan pun asal macam peti ais dah, kalau tambah lagi jenoh laaa nak kurangkan lepas beranak nanti. Umur pun dah lanjut, metabolisme dah slow!

Basically being a housewife, most of my time adalah melayan anak-anak, especially yang girl tu. I think she will be my bff. Everyday kena layan kerenah dia, since she only attend half day school. Dia buka kedai makan kita la customer, dia bukan kedai runcit kita jugak customer, dia buka klinik kita jugak la pesakit (dah banyak kali dah dia keluarkan baby dari perut i) dan kalau dia main playdoh kita jugak la kena bagi idea suruh dia buat apa. Kalau dia diam tu means she is with her tab watching youtube videos. To lessen her youtube time, i try to engage her in activity. Beli some art & crafty stuff untuk dia, atau bagi jela water color, kertas & gunting, leka la kejap dia buat keja. Kalau rajin we bake cake.Kalau lagi rajin, bawak la dia keluar gi makan ice cream.

Bila anak depan mata we become very very concern if we don't do enough for them. I always worried. Selalu pikirkan, sampai bila my kids akan mengharapkan i. When they are no longer dependent on me, i will sure miss it. Sampai bila diorang will come to me and tell story of their day and ask silly questions? The day will come when they only want be in their room and no longer need our assistance. Will i be sad? Now when they still need me, i try my best to layan them every possible way. Walaupun anak-anak i ni suka merepek bila bercerita, layan je laaaa.

Panjang pulak merepek. I inspired to type this post when i was having roti canai with my eldest and dia mintak suapkan pasal taknak kotorkan tangan bila baca komik. Time tu pikirkan, they will come a time when my boy dah segan nak manja macam ni. Every little thing counts as memory. Oh i hope i am not the only one being sentimental here. I pray my kids will think of me, my time spend with them even though they no longer need me. Sigh, I guess it is my pregnancy hormones making me overly sentimental.

Blogging mood is back!

Wow, it's been too long right? Malasnya lahai nak buka blog ni update. I pun dah lama tak baca blog orang lain. Can't be bothered anymore. Not that i been super busy, just goes on with life as usual. But today, suddenly rindu nak jenguk blog kot kot la dah tukar jadi blog lain dah. It happens you know, where someone uses your blog url and directed it other non sense website. But i guess it won't happen to me kot pasal blog i bukan femes pun kannn. So finally i decided to activate my log and try to update it now and then when i have the mood to. Ada lagi ke pembaca?? Hahahaha...

As expected, lottttsssss of things happened while i am away. Nak story one by one harusla panjang berjela kan, and i hate reading long winding posts. So as usual i will summarize everything in points on what been going on in my life. Only those momentous one.

• I am currently 5months++ pregnant with my third child *YAY* Been trying to get pregnant since last year, Alhamdulillah baru ada rezeki tahun ni. Before this, i keguguran on the 6th week. My miscarriage experience was interesting. I will share it in another post soon. My edd will be on mid May. Doakan everything goes on well for me ok?

• We bought a landed house! We moved to our new house around April last year. It was a second hand house located at the same taman as our apartment. Memang nak cari within the same taman pun because it is easier for the kids' school and transportation arrangements. Our house kecik je. It was a renovated house with kitchen cabinets & extensions, it only need a new coat of paint and we renovated the toilets. The costs of buying & moving houses are scary. I am glad everything is settled now and we have our own landed house with our own porch where my kids can cycle & play. The best part is, no more climbing the stairs..Yayy! We rent our apartment, belum masuk rumah baru dah ada orang datang nak sewa. Asalkan depa sanggup panjat tangga, i ok je!  

 

• Another big thing happened in my life is that i was no longer working. End of last year, i requested for CTS (career transition scheme). Ala macam VSS la gak, nama je lain. The reason was that i was bored & had enough of how things work at my workplace. I've been working there for 12 years and i don't see myself going anywhere with my career in the future, not with the current management. So CTS is an easy way out. Not sure if it was a good decisions but i was determined. Currently i still doing trading but commission based. Work from home, because i want to take care of my kids. So far so good. At least i am happy. No more Monday blues or office routine. My life is all about my kids now. With new baby coming soon, i am actually excited to be able to take care of him/her exclusively by myself. Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya.  

 I think that are all i can share on this post. Kan nak cerita yang penting je kan. Lagipun nak prepare lunch for my boy yang nak pegi sekolah nanti. Yang lain in next next post la ye, when i have the mood to. Thank you for reading. Assalamualaikum!

When They Are Gone

  As you all would have known, i pernah lost someone very dear & close to me. My brother, died at such young age of 18 to a serious & incurable illness. I was so devastated and distraught. Even till now i avoid to think much about it especially about his long term hospitalization and suffering.

But losing someone and gone through all the devastations and sad phase has thought me lots. It change my perspective in life. It is true that Allah give us trials to make us learn. Semua ada hikmah, whether you realize it or not. 

I wish to share with you all what i learn result from this. I hope they are beneficial.

• Grief. I no longer thinks that people who grief at funerals are weak or people who doesn't are pious. For instance, when my brother passed away, i am among my family that cried less at the hospitals or funerals. Not because i am pious or stronger than the rest. It is because i just not good at showing emotion in public unless dah tak boleh tahan. But when i cry, i really really cry intensively just to let it out from my system. I cried alone in my room, in the toilet, when everyone is asleep. I cried everytime my brother conditions deteriorate, when my mother called me crying, when my brother in comma, when the first time i found out he was no longer with us. See, everybody grief in their own space & time, some do it in public and you see them constantly breakdown and cry. And some like me. So now, when i see someone grief, i just pat her/his back and say 'it's ok, let it out, cry' not the usual 'be strong, sabar' because the sooner you get over the crying & grieving phase you will  fee better and stronger. Please let them cry, we are not robot. 

•  Material. When someone dies, after all the funeral and burial we are left with their possessions. The older someone dies, the more stuff he/she accumulated. Same thing with my late brother. Because he was still young, a student and still live with my parents, the things that he left us are mostly clothes & books. As i gone through all of his stuff & notes it made me realized that all the material things you accumulated when you are alive are useless when you died. All the designer bags, posh cars, fancy clothes, expensive gadgets or your hobby are 100% invaluable to you and whoever inherit them won't appreciate it as much as you do. So why we obsess with them so much? Now, i try to avoid accumulating stuff that i 'think' i will use or buy things just because i like them but not beneficial whatsoever. And i also will not give any sentimental value on any material, which makes throwing your stuff when they are no longer in use easier.

•  Rituals. As a muslim, when someone passed away we have kenduri tahlil & recites Yassin. After that we will constantly do doa for the dead and sedekah bacaan al-quran, hoping that the dead will benefits from it. I believe, the only things that matters to afterlife of a dead person is the doa & deeds of their children (whatever good deeds & value we have thought them) and all the sedekah & charity we did when we alive. Others like kenduri tahlil, baca yasin, baca al-fatihah has no proves to be beneficial to the dead but just rituals. Anyhow, good things done will be granted pahala to the doer. I think we human always feels like we have to do something to the dead and actually gives therapy to the grieving family. This man-created rituals are more for the living than the dead. Don't burden the family for kenduri if they chose not to. Like when you recited yassin or al-fatihah in front of the grave. It is really unnecessary, you can recites it at home and it still beneficial. Grave is not a shrine where you pray, it is just a memorial. But.....let the grieving family do it anyway. Let them do all the tahlil and recitals and grave visits as much as they want. As long it is not syirik, just let them do it. This has made my mak feels better. It helps her feel connected. It helped her move on and hang to something because losing a son too soon is hurtful & the sadness is incurable. She still visits my brother's grave every friday and talk to the tombstone and cried each time till now, even after 4 years.

•  Thankful. Always be thankful even during your lowest points. There are always things to be thankful for. Experience of seeing sick people lying helplessly on the bed makes my boring everyday routine seems major. Even you don't have money, look at your body all limbs attached perfectly, look at your kids all healthy & happy, look outside to see how peaceful the place you live in. When my brother was sick, he couldn't walk, in diapers, no appetite to eat, right there and then i feel insaf of what i took for granted all these time. Even being able to go to toilet everyday i thank Allah. Those simple things are the one value to us that money can't buy.You can simply thankful you are still alive, because you can still do good deeds, be beneficial to community and repents on your wrongdoing before you lie dead and everything are accountable within you and God. Now i seldom complain about life, i am more optimistic because i know somewhere someone who would want to switch life with me. So whenever i heard someone complains 'My life is hard' i have the itch to reply her/him 'Compare to what??'

The point of this post is not to preach. Not to prove i am expert in anything. Just to share from my perspective. I thought death was far from me before i lost my brother, now i always be reminded of it. Alhamdulillah for this trial, Allah take my love ones and lend me some wisdom to hold on to. I really hope my sharing beneficial for you.

p.s: I find the book 'Reclaim You Heart' by Yasmin Mogahed to be very useful in life. Makes you think of your priority in life and what really matters. Please read it, you sure won't regret it.

Why I Love Malaysia

 

I seriously love my country. If i have the choice to be reborn, i still choose to be a Malaysian. And i feel sad whenever other people, especially Malaysian talk bad about Malaysia (even though it is true). As i grow older, my love for Malaysia become stronger. I am not conventionally patriotic but i really really love Malaysia and i am proud to be Malaysian. So, on  Malaysia's 57th Merdeka, i make a list of why i love Malaysia.

• You gotta love the variety of food. You can enjoy malay, chinese, indian and mixture of other races food that is halal and easily accessible till late hours. I once visit Singapore, even to buy buns, i have to be skeptical on the halal-ness. You won't have that problem in Malaysia because Malay muslim is the majority consumer.What more if you are non-muslim, you can eat all the food mannn!

•  I enjoy the multiracial culture. Where you can learn multiple language and understand other races and religions' practice. All my life till now, i am surrounded by multiracial environment. I think it is a waste if you live in multiracial country but you choose to mix with only your own race. Apart from mix parentage, from young i live in chinese neighborhood, my school (convent) is multiracial where most of my friends & teachers are chinese (some indian as well) and till now i work with most of chinese colleagues. Malaysia's multiracial environment makes you understand others more as well as open your mind to diversity & toleration. I bet if you ask any American or British how chinese celebrate lunar new year or how indian prays they'll be clueless. It is not about who is greater but it is to learn to accept & respect diversity with better understanding.

• Peace. Even though nowadays crime rates are increasing, it doesn't makes me go out and be paranoid about it. Alhamdulillah i still freely can go out to work everyday safely, i can still bring my kids anywhere without worrying whether that place will be bombed and i can practically do anything i want to without anyone kacau me.

• Wet toilet. Being malay muslim i need proper water pipe in the loo. I was so frustrated whenever i enter a toilet without one, especially oversea's public toilet. It is like you sleep in your own room that is much more better than any 5 stars hotel's room just because it is familiar to you and more convenient.

• I am not sure whether everyone agrees with me but i love Malaysia because we are not overly radical. Most of the things here are still conventional. We still do most of the thing traditionally. Honestly i don't like to be too modern where everything is acceptable just because you have the right to. Maybe because i am older now. But i really hope we stay this way. 

Having said all that, ofcourse there are some things i wish Malaysia will be. For instance I really wish for better education system. And i also wish more Malaysian are civic minded or we will end up like China (you know what i meant). 

Like how we love our family & accept their flaws, it is the same for my love to Malaysia. I am proud to be Malaysian, and only a Malaysian can make Malaysia a better place. It is not too late to raise our kids to be a better Malaysian.

Selamat Hari Merdeka ke 57 Malaysia!!!

Cerita Puasa

1 week to Syawal. I guess still not too late to wish Selamat Berpuasa to all of you. 

1 more week for us to gain as much pahala as we can. Bulan Ramadhan ni kan hadiah untuk kita dari Allah. Kalau dah hadiah sure special & meaningful kan? So don't put it to waste, cepat dapatkan pahala berganda sepanjang Ramadhan.

My son, Adam never miss a day of fasting. MasyaAllah, he is strong. When i was his age, balik skolah memang lembik macam budak kebulur kat Afrika. But Adam, tak macam tu. Dia aktif lari sana sini. Adala jugak komplen haus. Tapi mulut je cakap haus, physically still active.

Teringat zaman i puasa dulu. Tak salah time darjah 2 kot. I got all sort of ideas to kelentong nak minum air. Paling kelakar was this one time when Sustagen datang buat promo kat sekolah. Tak sensitive sungguh buat time puasa. If you are about the same age as me, mesti ingat maskot Sustagen Susy & Geno.

They came as a promo to Sustagen drinks. They dance & sing  and last slot is hand out free Sustagen drinks. Bila nak bagi drinks tu cikgu cakap, siapa yang tak puasa boleh datang ke depan berbaris ambil minuman. I yang memang takde niat betul & luhur untuk berpuasa cepat bangun beratur. Sedap uollzz! Tak rasa nyesal & bersalah langsung batal puasa. Hahahahaha...

Nak jadi cerita, ada la spy pi report kat my parents cakap i tak puasa. Apa lagi, kena interrogate la dengan diorang. You all tau apa alasan i bagi? Memang stupid punya alasan. I told them yang i tak sengaja minum. Ada budak tu terjatuh, and air tu termasuk dalam mulut i. Bodoh tak? Hahaha! My parents just keep silent and i am off the hook. Rasa diorang percaya ke? I think diorang tak tahan nak gelak kot, sebab tu diam je tak marah pun. I harap la my kids takdela buat perangai tak senonoh macam i. Dahla tak puasa, menipu, pastu bagi alasan tak senonoh! hahahaha!

Sekian cerita tak senonoh di bulan puasa ni. 

Actually i am still in sombre mood. Pasal  MH17 tragedy & also what happening to our brothers & sisters in Gaza. So inhumane and it make me soooo mad! Geramnya bila sesama manusia buat macam ni. I am afraid for the future. Proof that we all are only a small spec living helplessly in this world. The only thing i can control is what i did when i am alive, to gain my paradise hereafter. Kena fikir hidup untuk mati, pasal mati akan datang bila-bila dan ia pasti. Takutnya kalau amalan tak cukup bila dipanggil mengadap Allah. Sama-sama la kita berdoa ye, agar kita dilindungi Allah.

Younger look??

This blog has become irrelevant right?

I seldom updates, and ofcourse no one will come and read it as well. 

Malas la nak update, eventhough lots of thing i want to share.

But i also do not want this blog to be dead.

So with perasaan terpaksa & malas, i update one sharing.

Been contemplating to share this for sooo long but as usual, laziness wins! 

I am in my early 30s, a mother with 2 rascals to raise. 

You know mothers, multitasking is our super power right?

 Everything kita kena fikir, everything kita kena buat & settle.

Sometime when i had enough i wish i can swwoosshh, fly to the sky away from all and rest on the fluffy clouds (like cartoon always does). 

That is the multitasking part.

Now how about the the self maintenance part?

With this Rozita Che Wan being hot at 40s, Korean star being so flawless prancing on TV and here there advertisement about how slim, fair and perfect your body and face can be improved.

Letih kan? For women to have such pressure and expectation to meet.

Even worse, the society that demands for it. 

No wonder plastic surgery become so norm these days.

So what normal women like me gotta do?

Sure la stress jugak kekadang babe!

Belek muka, awatla makin kertu ni, what Rozita Che Wan does that i don't?

Maybe i gemok la kan...but i am talking about my face.

Back in my 20s tak pakai bedak ikat tocang satu pun nampak cute.

Now make up pun nampak hmmmmpphh...

I am like..if i can't slim down my body i can atleast take better care of my skin.

With that determination i spend some money on good skin care products.

Apart of usual skin regimes, i started to slab night cream and eye cream religiously.

Exfoliates and put on mask twice a week.

The products i use are mix of some brands like Safi, Body Shop, Antipodes and some korean brand.

Still kedekut to spend on high-end brand like SKII.

My skin show some improvements, but takdela significant macam iklan tu kann.

Among all the product i use, the one that show the best result and i really would like to recommends is e'Pure Membranous Jelly Masque.

I bought it online through Hi-Shop . Priced at RM89.90

Mahal la bagi bajet i, tapi pasal nak cantik macam kpop artist kannn..beli la gak.

I am on my second box now but both time bought during sales, which i paid only RM50++

Translucent & thick jelly gel that you slab on you face for 30-45mins.

The effect on my skin memang bagus.

Instantly after application your skin will become fairer.

After several applications, your acne scars become lighter.

Best of all, my pores become smaller.

All these resulted to younger looking skin la kann. Ke i yang perasan sorang2? LOL

Kalau rasa nak tumbuh jerawat tu cepat2 tempek mask ni, confirm tak jadi naik. Kalau timbul gak pun kecik je.

All these time, no matter how convincing the product reviews are, i never had any significant impact on my skin. So this is the first time i get such impact.

I love the result the mask has given me.

My husband pun sedar. Tapi takdela dialog geli-geli macam iklan ye.

Okla tu kann...husband sedar. Walaupun takde lagila kawan2 or sedara mara cakap pape.

I guess takdela ketara sampai orang tanya kan, cukupla sendiri rasa berbaloi.

Unfortunately i don't have the before & after picture of me.

I malu la nak amik bare face selfie close up. LOL.

I only have the pic below, of my no-make up face.

But you can just google it and read all the good reviews.

No, i don't get paid to promote this..siapa bodo nak bayar i ni pun.

Just nak share, kot-kot siapa2 nak try tapi tak cukup duit tabung nak beli SKII.

Kalau siapa dah try to, please share your opinion with me. 

Cinema Cinema Cinema

Do you remember the TV show Cinema! Cinema! Cinema! ?? If you are about my age, an 80's child and love to watch movies, probably you are familiar with the show. I love that show, it review latest Hollywood films and there were list of top 10 chart of best film. I suka sangat tengok movie. My bapak selalu bawak pegi cinema tengok latest film and we also always rent lots of videos. Now dah pupus dah kedai sewa video ni, since pirated vcd/dvd is easily accessible and cheaper.

 Anyway, i always enjoy a good movie and they lifted up my mood and some movie even educate me, makes me think and widen my thoughts. Besides reading, tengok movie pun boleh jadi educational tau..but depends on what movie you tengok la kan. By watching movie we can learn other cultures in other countries and how they perceive & handle certain issues, which are way different than us. In order to learn through movies, and avoid stereotypes (stereotype: a simple standard conception you conclude by just watching) you have to watch different genre and avoid la those slapstick comedy punya, because that is just pure entertainment. 

Sebenarnya i nak share good movies yang i tengok lately. Memang bagus and recommended kalau you want to enjoy really good movie. Here are my favourite latest movie. Ada yang dah show kat local cinema, ada yang belum dan  ada yang kena banned from cinema Malaysia. I tengok these movies on the net ja, streaming or download. 

Apart from the flamboyant 70's fashion, ridiculous wigs and comb-over, this movie is funny and entertaining. Cerita pasal conman. 2 partner in crime(chrisian bale & amy adams) yang keja diorang tipu duit orang, tried to con their way out of from FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) who arrested them. Cara diorang nak selamatkan diri ni memang entertaining. Anddd...Jennifer Lawrence was excellence playing her part as an annoying and over-bearing wife of Christian Bale. I rasa, movie ni best pasal semua actors best. Worth your time!

Movie ni memang lawak. Bukan comedy sangat tapi lawak due to the douchebag characters  and tamak duit. Based on true story of Jordan Belfort yang menjadi kaya raya hasil jual saham/tipu duit orang. Semua ni pasal terlebih bijak dan suka sangat duit. Life dia memang revolves around money and girls. Memang bestla, because there were a lot of funny scenes that shows how stupid the riches can be. Cara penyampaian cerita memang bagus, respect to the director. I really hope Leonardo wins an Oscar this time, kesian kat dia. Pandai berlakon tapi takdak award.Tengokla, from this movie you'll learn that you can sell almost anything if you have the skill. 

 Pain & Gain. This is comedy. Based on true story as well. Cerita pasal 3 orang fitness instructor yang agak bodoh dan noob, nak culik orang kaya just because they were fed up of being poor and dream of luxurious lifestyle. Dah nama pun comedy, macam tengok 3 stooges nak buat crime. They were amateurs, they thought kidnapping and cover up crime were as easy as in movie. Tapi hakikatnya memang fail. It amazed me that they managed to go far before being caught and almost escape it . To know why and how, you all kena tengok movie ni. Memang tak kering gusi gelak. 

Oh my..this movie memang buat i senyum je, sweet sangat cerita dia. I hardly watch love movie because tak banyak pun love movies shown, dan kalau ada pun, most of them are cliche. Cerita macam tak logik sket, it is about time travel. The hero can travel times, but only within his life stream. His aim in life is to find true love and when he met with the girl of his dream, he makes sure he gets her. This means that he travels trhough and back just to perfect his relationship. Why i rasa cerita ni sweet? The hero character is really sweet. Very very loving and sincere. You can't help it but wish you partner would be the same. Tengokla movie ni kalau nak rasa best like what i felt. If you don't believe me, go and watch the trailer at youtube and read the comments. 

Movie pasal orang kaya jugak. Tapi orang kaya nyanyuk. Cate Blanchet (marvelous actress), plays a widow who suddenly became broke. Dulu golongan bangsawan, billionaire pasal kawin dengan orang kaya. In the end husband kena tangkap pasal tipu duit orang and committed suicide in the jail. She was left alone, with no money and have no choice but to live with his stepsister whom she been avoiding all these while. Rupanya dengan pressure hidup and sudden change in life, has made her senile. Very interesting story. It makes you think what actually happiness in life is.

Prisoners is a movie to set you in thinking mode. What would you do if given the same situation. Desperate and want answers. In Prisoners, a father take matters in his own hands when her daughter been kidnapped. Ah, memang put you in the edge of the seat because you pun desperate nak tau sapa kidapper tu. Highly recommended! 

Ok enough lah with 6 movie reviews. I hope you watch them, and enjoy it as much as i did. Ada lagi movie yang best but i belum tengok. I am yet to watch Dallas Buyers Club, 12 Years Of Slaves, Philomena. Next time i recommends some tv shows/drama that i been followed. If you have the same taste as mine, stay tune!

Susah nak senang, Senang nak susah

Those yang cakap life is easy obviously still living in lah-lah land. Especially life bila habis belajar, dicampak untuk berdikari dan mencari kerja seperti manusia-robot lain. Bila rasa tanggungjawab itu sudah tiba. Bila rasa taknak susahkan mak bapak dah. So here come my story. Saja nak share kisah kehidupan lampau yang bagi i agak susah tapi ramai lagi yang lagi teramat susah.

As some of you have known, my hometown is in Alor Star, Kedah. Saat habis belajar, memangla balik lepak kat kampung. Tapi kalau nak ikut selesa, senang, settle je kat kampung cari kerja di sana. But..as you know at small state macam Kedah tu peluang pekerjaan pun takla banyak sangat. Mostly kerja gomen je yang kita sedia maklum, susah nak masuk unless ada orang dalam. 

I think i stayed in Alor Star for about 2-3 weeks macam tu ja. Pastu naik bas gi KL. Because most of interviews i dapat dekat KL. So dari dok ulang alik back & forth, baik i dok umah pakcik i kat Ampang ja. Nasib baik di situ pasal ada pakcik yang teramat baik kat sana bagi tumpang, takdak la merempat. Lepas satu persatu interview, berpuluh-puluh resume sent,  tak membuahkan hasil i dah tak keruan. Interview jauh dekat semua redah. Naik taxi, tukar 2-3 bas, kena tipu pun ada..haihh dugaan sungguh! Lama-lama rasa bersalah tu tiba, i had to do something, find something to do, Mana boleh tumpang rumah orang lama-lama free of charge, dok lepak ja kan. Then my friend suruh kerja office pakcik dia kat Damansara. Jadi clerk ja dengan gaji amatla ciput, rasanya tak sampai RM500 pun. Yela, clerk untuk budak SPM ja kan, kat company kecik plak, takkan nak bagi gaji tinggi kot. Jadiiilaaa...janji tak kacau orang, ada duit untuk hidup. 

Bermula lah hidup sebagai buruh kasar. Morning rutin mengadap working crowds dan traffic jam. Dari Ampang nak pi Damnsara bukan dekat oiihh. Naik bas, naik LRT Star, tukar plak LRT Putra, naik plak feeder bus. Baru sampai ofis hang tau! Berpeluh la ketiak mengadap tu semua day in day out. Keluar pagi buta, balik malam buta, himpit dalam dengan mat indon and bangla for 1 hour everyday. 80% of salary pi kat tambang ja. Tinggal balance untuk survive ja. Beli lunch & dinner pun tak mampu. Baju kerja cumalah baju kurung zaman universiti 3-4 helai, dok recycle jela. Tapi memang bernasib baik la sangat, dok umah pakcik. Dapat makcik yang penyayang dan comel, tiap-tiap hari buatkan breakfast. Jadi pagi-pagi makan sket, and bawak penuh satu tupperware as bekal makan lunch. Kalau ada hari yang takdak bekal, turun bawah cari kuih ja pasal memang tak mampu nak beli nasi untuk lunch. Imagine for 3 month plus i keja kat Damansara, takde sekali pun i turun makan lunch like normal working people. Memang tak mampu. For dinner, i taknak kacau pakcik & makcik i, coz diorang memang tak dinner, so i beli 1 bar of Cadbury choc to survive all weeks. Everyday makan satu baris. Kalau lapaq sangat baru singgah beli burger. Ada one time tu, handphone i rosak. Memang takleh nak guna, takdak handphone susah la kan. So i call my dad mintak pinjam duit RM200 beli handphone. Menangis meleleh2 ayaq mata time call tu..pasal rasa bersalah menyusahkan my dad. Walaupun dia tak kisah pun, dia memang ada duit tu..but still rasa sebak.  

Haihh..bila pikir balik macam kesian sangat je kan. Kerja bukan pasal duit sangat. Cuma pasal nak berdikari takmau kacau orang ja. Takmau lepak rumah orang sampai orang meluat. Nak  gain experience kerja. After 3 months, Alhamdulillah i dapat kerja kat syarikat saham in SS2, PJ. Jauh jugak but more salary this time, so takdakla rasa azab sangat. I pindah from Ampang to Cheras. Stay with my best friend and also my colleague. Easier, because she drives, so tumpang dia jela. Untill my beloved grandfather give me his car. A maroon Perodua Kelisa. Punyala syok tak terkata. Selesai banyak masalah. 

Till now, i still work in stock market, in fact in the same company. Life was easier and organized. Ini belum cerita time memula kahwin dulu macam mana nak survive dan seksa nya sampai nangis. That is for another post. Kerja ka..kahwin ka...it is not as easy and happily ever after like what you see in tv or any idealistic perception you had in your mind. Life started to gives you shit when you started taking responsibility.

Thinking what i went through back then make me appreciate my life now. So when i see youngsters or fresh graduates complains and yet still living comfortably with their parents, sipping Starbucks and playing with latest smartphone while instagram-ing having lunch at posh/hip cafe, discussing on next trip to oversea via AirAsia, i betul geleng kepala. You all had it easy lah. I tak cakap semua budak sekarang macam tu, only that those yang complain itu ini tend to be yang jenis itu. Living life now or 10 to 20 years  ago is the same. Takdenya you dulu senang sekarang susah. Cuba tanya orang dulu, cari kerja macam mana. Ada degree oversea pun gaji RM500 ja. Barang dulu memang murah, but gaji pun murah jugak. Always remember, no one owes you a life, except you. Sekian :)

Another 32nd Birthday

I tak pernah pun update pasal husband punya birthday kan? Hehehe...asyik story pasal birthday sendiri je, over betol. This year i decided to share on what we did on my husband's birthday. 

Both my kids are wise enough to know what birthday is so i decided to get them involve. We do almost everything together like suggesting birthday presents, wrapping the presents, 'bake' the cake and all the usual stuff people do on birthdays to make it memorable for them. 

Started by suggesting the gifts. Actually ada penipuan di situ because husband already knew what i am going to give him, in fact he is the one who bought it (using my money of course) and handed it to me to be wrapped. My kids taktau yang bapak diorang dah tau, so when Adam asked his bapak what he wanted for his birthday, my husband will said "Nintendo 3ds". Knowing that i rejected the idea when my husband told me this last time, Adam replied to my husband "Hmm, mak takkan beli punya, mahal tau tak". So on the day i wrap the gifts Adam found out that it is actually what his bapak wanted. But i warned him not to tell and make it as a surprise. Well...Adam being kepo and memang tak pandai simpan rahsia, dengar je bunyi pintu buka when bapak dia balik keja, terus lari sua muka kat celah pintu, whispered to my husband "Mak beli hadiah Nintendo 3ds kat bapak". Haihhh....hopelesss!!!! Nasibla bapak dia memang dah tahu, dia gelak jela tengok anak dia yang kepo tu. Me, knowing my son better, did not tell him about what another gift was. 

 I lupa beli wrapping paper, balut pakai Astro magazine je. Look at the message Adam wrote. "Adam dan Dania bagi bapak"..literally! Hehehehe..

Next thing is baking. Well not actually baking la. I do not have an oven. So i opt fo a non-bake oreo cheesecake. A recipe i found on youtube. Senang je, orang yang macam i, more than 10yrs tak bake pun boleh buat. Walaupun tak jadi sangat. Tak jadi pasal my kids terlebih rajin pecahkan biskut marie lebih, resulted to the butter added not enaough to make them stick together. So berderai la base kat bawah oreo cheesecake tu. Nevertheless, still sedap...cuma tak cantik. Tak cantik pasal i bijak sangat guna pinggan lebar, so cheesecake filling to nipis je, patutnya tebal. Hahahaa... I include the youtube video of the oreo cheesecake below.

 



 Semangat diorang ni amik peluang sibuk-sibuk di dapur. A good experience for them.

Rupa end product. Okla kannn, hasil 3 tangan. Macam nak sama je dengan kat dalam youtube tu kann??

Haa...luaran memang la nak sama. Dah potong amek ko, berterabuq crushed cookies kat bawah tu. Very not presentable. Tapi yang penting sedap. Hehehe.

Most important thing was...the birthday-man was happy and glad we did it all wholeheartedly.

Happy 32nd birthday sayang!
Even though you are younger (by months) than me, i still much more cuter than you! :-P

Hidden Cost

Almost everyday now people complains about cost of living harga itu naik, harga ini naik. Kita pun terasa gak kan. The same money spent now will have lesser purchasing power. I ni bukannlah jenis yang berkira itu-ini sangat or a bargain hunter yang kejar sales or gunting any kupon to get discounts. Sekadar discount RM2-3 tu i kira faktor lain gak, macam kos pegi sana, masa and adakah ia berbaloi. And i will never ever purposely face the hectic crowd to shop at SOGO eventhough it give out discounts up to 90%. I also don't stock piles of stuff (barang kegunaan harian) just because it is cheap right now. Simply because i tak suka simpan barang and also lack of storage space and also i tend to change brand if dah jemu. 

You must be wondering apala makcik ni tetiba merepek pasal cost & shop ni kan? Takdela, on this post want to share with you what i actually think when shop for exorbitant stuff. So, beforehand i have to explain how i am when i shop for normal everyday stuff. By saying exorbitant stuff, i mean to buy house, cars, designer brands and other expensive stuff that involves lots of money.

When we want to shop for our car, mesti dalam kepala otak tu kalau boleh nak kereta import, nak kereta besar or mpv (for family) and look really stylish & nice. Macam i, teringin sangat nak pakai imported MPV car that has spacious space and really-really nice interior. I prefer interior specification than how the car look like externally. Nama pun 'teringin' kan, so with my current household income, when i see big expensive cars, what comes to mind are: Expensive road tax, expensive insurance, expensive service & maintenance cost, big fuel tank to be filled and more fuel consumptions (means pening kepala whenever government announced oil hikes) and also more pressure to jaga the car. I don't know what people with my sort of income thinks when they committed to buy such car. Maybe they are aware of the actual cost but just put it at the back of their mind. Or they are too naive to know about the actual cost of owning a car and pening kepala later. I concern of what kind of cost i have to bare, apart from the monthly installment and memang tak sanggup nak pening kepala every year. Thus, i only own Proton Pesona yang every time bayar insurance or major service, i rasa macam nak jual sebelah buah pinggang je. Hahahahaha..ok tu gurau je.Sebab tu la kalau you tengok most tokey apek cina yang owns lots of property and investments pakai kereta cabuk or biasa je. They are actually very aware of the actual cost and choose not to submit. But that also means the apek are stingy & too calculative because he can actually afford nicer car for his own convenience.

 Same with house. Big house, big also la benda lain. Now i live in an apartment. Which is easy to maintain and very cheap monthly installment. Bayar kereta lagi mahal dari bayar rumah. Apart from kena panjat tangga to 4th floor day in day out, i love & happy with my humble apartment. Bila my husband mention about moving to bigger house, which is landed house (one of our future plan is to own one), walaupun i like the idea, kepala otak i masih pikir kos lain. Bigger house comes with a bigger space to clean, mantain and furnished. Bigger house comes with bigger electric bil. Bigger (landed) house means i have to take care of the porch and also security. Bigger house means my kids can be anywhere everywhere without my surveillance and do stuff that i might not like. Paling i tak tahan memikirkan, banyak nya ruang nak kemas, sapu dan mop nantiiiiiii! Being a bit OCD in house cleanliness i memang really concern of big space to clean. Okla, emosi sikit. By the way, i already told my husband that i insist a once-a-week clean up assistant to help me clean a bigger house. Well, bigger house effect uncalculated cost sebenarnya, yang tak melibatkan duit tapi membebankan diri. Maybe i think too much. Maybe it will be fine. Yeah..maybe. Buttt..if you have extra money and can afford it, beli la rumah. Much much better investment than changing car now and then.

Itula ceritanya apa yang tercetus di kepala otak when i see people with expensive car or big house. Maybe some of you think i am a pesimis, but no, i am just being rational. I think all of us have to have that in mind always, when making any big commitments. Ni untuk orang yang medium income macam i la, kalau kaya sangat dan mampu tu, sukatila nak 5 keta dan 3 rumah banglo pun, because rich people live in different world than me anyway.