Wednesday, September 24, 2014

When They Are Gone

  As you all would have known, i pernah lost someone very dear & close to me. My brother, died at such young age of 18 to a serious & incurable illness. I was so devastated and distraught. Even till now i avoid to think much about it especially about his long term hospitalization and suffering.

But losing someone and gone through all the devastations and sad phase has thought me lots. It change my perspective in life. It is true that Allah give us trials to make us learn. Semua ada hikmah, whether you realize it or not. 

I wish to share with you all what i learn result from this. I hope they are beneficial.

  • Grief. I no longer thinks that people who grief at funerals are weak or people who doesn't are pious. For instance, when my brother passed away, i am among my family that cried less at the hospitals or funerals. Not because i am pious or stronger than the rest. It is because i just not good at showing emotion in public unless dah tak boleh tahan. But when i cry, i really really cry intensively just to let it out from my system. I cried alone in my room, in the toilet, when everyone is asleep. I cried everytime my brother conditions deteriorate, when my mother called me crying, when my brother in comma, when the first time i found out he was no longer with us. See, everybody grief in their own space & time, some do it in public and you see them constantly breakdown and cry. And some like me. So now, when i see someone grief, i just pat her/his back and say 'it's ok, let it out, cry' not the usual 'be strong, sabar' because the sooner you get over the crying & grieving phase you will  fee better and stronger. Please let them cry, we are not robot. 

  •  Material. When someone dies, after all the funeral and burial we are left with their possessions. The older someone dies, the more stuff he/she accumulated. Same thing with my late brother. Because he was still young, a student and still live with my parents, the things that he left us are mostly clothes & books. As i gone through all of his stuff & notes it made me realized that all the material things you accumulated when you are alive are useless when you died. All the designer bags, posh cars, fancy clothes, expensive gadgets or your hobby are 100% invaluable to you and whoever inherit them won't appreciate it as much as you do. So why we obsess with them so much? Now, i try to avoid accumulating stuff that i 'think' i will use or buy things just because i like them but not beneficial whatsoever. And i also will not give any sentimental value on any material, which makes throwing your stuff when they are no longer in use easier.

  •  Rituals. As a muslim, when someone passed away we have kenduri tahlil & recites Yassin. After that we will constantly do doa for the dead and sedekah bacaan al-quran, hoping that the dead will benefits from it. I believe, the only things that matters to afterlife of a dead person is the doa & deeds of their children (whatever good deeds & value we have thought them) and all the sedekah & charity we did when we alive. Others like kenduri tahlil, baca yasin, baca al-fatihah has no proves to be beneficial to the dead but just rituals. Anyhow, good things done will be granted pahala to the doer. I think we human always feels like we have to do something to the dead and actually gives therapy to the grieving family. This man-created rituals are more for the living than the dead. Don't burden the family for kenduri if they chose not to. Like when you recited yassin or al-fatihah in front of the grave. It is really unnecessary, you can recites it at home and it still beneficial. Grave is not a shrine where you pray, it is just a memorial. But.....let the grieving family do it anyway. Let them do all the tahlil and recitals and grave visits as much as they want. As long it is not syirik, just let them do it. This has made my mak feels better. It helps her feel connected. It helped her move on and hang to something because losing a son too soon is hurtful & the sadness is incurable. She still visits my brother's grave every friday and talk to the tombstone and cried each time till now, even after 4 years.

  •  Thankful. Always be thankful even during your lowest points. There are always things to be thankful for. Experience of seeing sick people lying helplessly on the bed makes my boring everyday routine seems major. Even you don't have money, look at your body all limbs attached perfectly, look at your kids all healthy & happy, look outside to see how peaceful the place you live in. When my brother was sick, he couldn't walk, in diapers, no appetite to eat, right there and then i feel insaf of what i took for granted all these time. Even being able to go to toilet everyday i thank Allah. Those simple things are the one value to us that money can't buy.You can simply thankful you are still alive, because you can still do good deeds, be beneficial to community and repents on your wrongdoing before you lie dead and everything are accountable within you and God. Now i seldom complain about life, i am more optimistic because i know somewhere someone who would want to switch life with me. So whenever i heard someone complains 'My life is hard' i have the itch to reply her/him 'Compare to what??'

The point of this post is not to preach. Not to prove i am expert in anything. Just to share from my perspective. I thought death was far from me before i lost my brother, now i always be reminded of it. Alhamdulillah for this trial, Allah take my love ones and lend me some wisdom to hold on to. I really hope my sharing beneficial for you.

p.s: I find the book 'Reclaim You Heart' by Yasmin Mogahed to be very useful in life. Makes you think of your priority in life and what really matters. Please read it, you sure won't regret it.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Why I Love Malaysia

I seriously love my country. If i have the choice to be reborn, i still choose to be a Malaysian. And i feel sad whenever other people, especially Malaysian talk bad about Malaysia (even though it is true). As i grow older, my love for Malaysia become stronger. I am not conventionally patriotic but i really really love Malaysia and i am proud to be Malaysian. So, on  Malaysia's 57th Merdeka, i make a list of why i love Malaysia.

  • You gotta love the variety of food. You can enjoy malay, chinese, indian and mixture of other races food that is halal and easily accessible till late hours. I once visit Singapore, even to buy buns, i have to be skeptical on the halal-ness. You won't have that problem in Malaysia because Malay muslim is the majority consumer.What more if you are non-muslim, you can eat all the food mannn!
  •  I enjoy the multiracial culture. Where you can learn multiple language and understand other races and religions' practice. All my life till now, i am surrounded by multiracial environment. I think it is a waste if you live in multiracial country but you choose to mix with only your own race. Apart from mix parentage, from young i live in chinese neighborhood, my school (convent) is multiracial where most of my friends & teachers are chinese (some indian as well) and till now i work with most of chinese colleagues. Malaysia's multiracial environment makes you understand others more as well as open your mind to diversity & toleration. I bet if you ask any American or British how chinese celebrate lunar new year or how indian prays they'll be clueless. It is not about who is greater but it is to learn to accept & respect diversity with better understanding.
  • Peace. Even though nowadays crime rates are increasing, it doesn't makes me go out and be paranoid about it. Alhamdulillah i still freely can go out to work everyday safely, i can still bring my kids anywhere without worrying whether that place will be bombed and i can practically do anything i want to without anyone kacau me.
  • Wet toilet. Being malay muslim i need proper water pipe in the loo. I was so frustrated whenever i enter a toilet without one, especially oversea's public toilet. It is like you sleep in your own room that is much more better than any 5 stars hotel's room just because it is familiar to you and more convenient.
  • I am not sure whether everyone agrees with me but i love Malaysia because we are not overly radical. Most of the things here are still conventional. We still do most of the thing traditionally. Honestly i don't like to be too modern where everything is acceptable just because you have the right to. Maybe because i am older now. But i really hope we stay this way. 
Having said all that, ofcourse there are some things i wish Malaysia will be. For instance I really wish for better education system. And i also wish more Malaysian are civic minded or we will end up like China (you know what i meant). 

Like how we love our family & accept their flaws, it is the same for my love to Malaysia. I am proud to be Malaysian, and only a Malaysian can make Malaysia a better place. It is not too late to raise our kids to be a better Malaysian.

Selamat Hari Merdeka ke 57 Malaysia!!!

Monday, July 21, 2014

Cerita Puasa

1 week to Syawal. I guess still not too late to wish Selamat Berpuasa to all of you. 
1 more week for us to gain as much pahala as we can. Bulan Ramadhan ni kan hadiah untuk kita dari Allah. Kalau dah hadiah sure special & meaningful kan? So don't put it to waste, cepat dapatkan pahala berganda sepanjang Ramadhan.

My son, Adam never miss a day of fasting. MasyaAllah, he is strong. When i was his age, balik skolah memang lembik macam budak kebulur kat Afrika. But Adam, tak macam tu. Dia aktif lari sana sini. Adala jugak komplen haus. Tapi mulut je cakap haus, physically still active.

Teringat zaman i puasa dulu. Tak salah time darjah 2 kot. I got all sort of ideas to kelentong nak minum air. Paling kelakar was this one time when Sustagen datang buat promo kat sekolah. Tak sensitive sungguh buat time puasa. If you are about the same age as me, mesti ingat maskot Sustagen Susy & Geno.
They came as a promo to Sustagen drinks. They dance & sing  and last slot is hand out free Sustagen drinks. Bila nak bagi drinks tu cikgu cakap, siapa yang tak puasa boleh datang ke depan berbaris ambil minuman. I yang memang takde niat betul & luhur untuk berpuasa cepat bangun beratur. Sedap uollzz! Tak rasa nyesal & bersalah langsung batal puasa. Hahahahaha...
Nak jadi cerita, ada la spy pi report kat my parents cakap i tak puasa. Apa lagi, kena interrogate la dengan diorang. You all tau apa alasan i bagi? Memang stupid punya alasan. I told them yang i tak sengaja minum. Ada budak tu terjatuh, and air tu termasuk dalam mulut i. Bodoh tak? Hahaha! My parents just keep silent and i am off the hook. Rasa diorang percaya ke? I think diorang tak tahan nak gelak kot, sebab tu diam je tak marah pun. I harap la my kids takdela buat perangai tak senonoh macam i. Dahla tak puasa, menipu, pastu bagi alasan tak senonoh! hahahaha!

Sekian cerita tak senonoh di bulan puasa ni. 
Actually i am still in sombre mood. Pasal  MH17 tragedy & also what happening to our brothers & sisters in Gaza. So inhumane and it make me soooo mad! Geramnya bila sesama manusia buat macam ni. I am afraid for the future. Proof that we all are only a small spec living helplessly in this world. The only thing i can control is what i did when i am alive, to gain my paradise hereafter. Kena fikir hidup untuk mati, pasal mati akan datang bila-bila dan ia pasti. Takutnya kalau amalan tak cukup bila dipanggil mengadap Allah. Sama-sama la kita berdoa ye, agar kita dilindungi Allah.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Younger look??

This blog has become irrelevant right?
I seldom updates, and ofcourse no one will come and read it as well. 
Malas la nak update, eventhough lots of thing i want to share.
But i also do not want this blog to be dead.
So with perasaan terpaksa & malas, i update one sharing.
Been contemplating to share this for sooo long but as usual, laziness wins! 

I am in my early 30s, a mother with 2 rascals to raise. 
You know mothers, multitasking is our super power right?
 Everything kita kena fikir, everything kita kena buat & settle.
Sometime when i had enough i wish i can swwoosshh, fly to the sky away from all and rest on the fluffy clouds (like cartoon always does). 

That is the multitasking part.
Now how about the the self maintenance part?
With this Rozita Che Wan being hot at 40s, Korean star being so flawless prancing on TV and here there advertisement about how slim, fair and perfect your body and face can be improved.
Letih kan? For women to have such pressure and expectation to meet.
Even worse, the society that demands for it. 
No wonder plastic surgery become so norm these days.

So what normal women like me gotta do?
Sure la stress jugak kekadang babe!
Belek muka, awatla makin kertu ni, what Rozita Che Wan does that i don't?
Maybe i gemok la kan...but i am talking about my face.
Back in my 20s tak pakai bedak ikat tocang satu pun nampak cute.
Now make up pun nampak hmmmmpphh...

I am like..if i can't slim down my body i can atleast take better care of my skin.
With that determination i spend some money on good skin care products.
Apart of usual skin regimes, i started to slab night cream and eye cream religiously.
Exfoliates and put on mask twice a week.

The products i use are mix of some brands like Safi, Body Shop, Antipodes and some korean brand.
Still kedekut to spend on high-end brand like SKII.
My skin show some improvements, but takdela significant macam iklan tu kann.
Among all the product i use, the one that show the best result and i really would like to recommends is e'Pure Membranous Jelly Masque.
I bought it online through Hi-Shop . Priced at RM89.90
Mahal la bagi bajet i, tapi pasal nak cantik macam kpop artist kannn..beli la gak.
I am on my second box now but both time bought during sales, which i paid only RM50++
Translucent & thick jelly gel that you slab on you face for 30-45mins.
The effect on my skin memang bagus.
Instantly after application your skin will become fairer.
After several applications, your acne scars become lighter.
Best of all, my pores become smaller.
All these resulted to younger looking skin la kann. Ke i yang perasan sorang2? LOL
Kalau rasa nak tumbuh jerawat tu cepat2 tempek mask ni, confirm tak jadi naik. Kalau timbul gak pun kecik je.
All these time, no matter how convincing the product reviews are, i never had any significant impact on my skin. So this is the first time i get such impact.
I love the result the mask has given me.
My husband pun sedar. Tapi takdela dialog geli-geli macam iklan ye.
Okla tu kann...husband sedar. Walaupun takde lagila kawan2 or sedara mara cakap pape.
I guess takdela ketara sampai orang tanya kan, cukupla sendiri rasa berbaloi.
Unfortunately i don't have the before & after picture of me.
I malu la nak amik bare face selfie close up. LOL.
I only have the pic below, of my no-make up face.
But you can just google it and read all the good reviews.
No, i don't get paid to promote this..siapa bodo nak bayar i ni pun.
Just nak share, kot-kot siapa2 nak try tapi tak cukup duit tabung nak beli SKII.
Kalau siapa dah try to, please share your opinion with me. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Cinema Cinema Cinema

Do you remember the TV show Cinema! Cinema! Cinema! ?? If you are about my age, an 80's child and love to watch movies, probably you are familiar with the show. I love that show, it review latest Hollywood films and there were list of top 10 chart of best film. I suka sangat tengok movie. My bapak selalu bawak pegi cinema tengok latest film and we also always rent lots of videos. Now dah pupus dah kedai sewa video ni, since pirated vcd/dvd is easily accessible and cheaper.

 Anyway, i always enjoy a good movie and they lifted up my mood and some movie even educate me, makes me think and widen my thoughts. Besides reading, tengok movie pun boleh jadi educational tau..but depends on what movie you tengok la kan. By watching movie we can learn other cultures in other countries and how they perceive & handle certain issues, which are way different than us. In order to learn through movies, and avoid stereotypes (stereotype: a simple standard conception you conclude by just watching) you have to watch different genre and avoid la those slapstick comedy punya, because that is just pure entertainment. 

Sebenarnya i nak share good movies yang i tengok lately. Memang bagus and recommended kalau you want to enjoy really good movie. Here are my favourite latest movie. Ada yang dah show kat local cinema, ada yang belum dan  ada yang kena banned from cinema Malaysia. I tengok these movies on the net ja, streaming or download. 

Apart from the flamboyant 70's fashion, ridiculous wigs and comb-over, this movie is funny and entertaining. Cerita pasal conman. 2 partner in crime(chrisian bale & amy adams) yang keja diorang tipu duit orang, tried to con their way out of from FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) who arrested them. Cara diorang nak selamatkan diri ni memang entertaining. Anddd...Jennifer Lawrence was excellence playing her part as an annoying and over-bearing wife of Christian Bale. I rasa, movie ni best pasal semua actors best. Worth your time!

Movie ni memang lawak. Bukan comedy sangat tapi lawak due to the douchebag characters  and tamak duit. Based on true story of Jordan Belfort yang menjadi kaya raya hasil jual saham/tipu duit orang. Semua ni pasal terlebih bijak dan suka sangat duit. Life dia memang revolves around money and girls. Memang bestla, because there were a lot of funny scenes that shows how stupid the riches can be. Cara penyampaian cerita memang bagus, respect to the director. I really hope Leonardo wins an Oscar this time, kesian kat dia. Pandai berlakon tapi takdak award.Tengokla, from this movie you'll learn that you can sell almost anything if you have the skill. 

 Pain & Gain. This is comedy. Based on true story as well. Cerita pasal 3 orang fitness instructor yang agak bodoh dan noob, nak culik orang kaya just because they were fed up of being poor and dream of luxurious lifestyle. Dah nama pun comedy, macam tengok 3 stooges nak buat crime. They were amateurs, they thought kidnapping and cover up crime were as easy as in movie. Tapi hakikatnya memang fail. It amazed me that they managed to go far before being caught and almost escape it . To know why and how, you all kena tengok movie ni. Memang tak kering gusi gelak. 

Oh my..this movie memang buat i senyum je, sweet sangat cerita dia. I hardly watch love movie because tak banyak pun love movies shown, dan kalau ada pun, most of them are cliche. Cerita macam tak logik sket, it is about time travel. The hero can travel times, but only within his life stream. His aim in life is to find true love and when he met with the girl of his dream, he makes sure he gets her. This means that he travels trhough and back just to perfect his relationship. Why i rasa cerita ni sweet? The hero character is really sweet. Very very loving and sincere. You can't help it but wish you partner would be the same. Tengokla movie ni kalau nak rasa best like what i felt. If you don't believe me, go and watch the trailer at youtube and read the comments. 

Movie pasal orang kaya jugak. Tapi orang kaya nyanyuk. Cate Blanchet (marvelous actress), plays a widow who suddenly became broke. Dulu golongan bangsawan, billionaire pasal kawin dengan orang kaya. In the end husband kena tangkap pasal tipu duit orang and committed suicide in the jail. She was left alone, with no money and have no choice but to live with his stepsister whom she been avoiding all these while. Rupanya dengan pressure hidup and sudden change in life, has made her senile. Very interesting story. It makes you think what actually happiness in life is.

Prisoners is a movie to set you in thinking mode. What would you do if given the same situation. Desperate and want answers. In Prisoners, a father take matters in his own hands when her daughter been kidnapped. Ah, memang put you in the edge of the seat because you pun desperate nak tau sapa kidapper tu. Highly recommended! 

Ok enough lah with 6 movie reviews. I hope you watch them, and enjoy it as much as i did. Ada lagi movie yang best but i belum tengok. I am yet to watch Dallas Buyers Club, 12 Years Of Slaves, Philomena. Next time i recommends some tv shows/drama that i been followed. If you have the same taste as mine, stay tune!